You Better You Bet
by Mignonne
Summary: An Aurikku of a different color. Due to tension between the duo, the others decide to form a betting pool. Not as sappy as this summary makes it sound. First update in 2.5 years, includes a love letter from Liania and Rikku musing on Auron's hairlessne
1. Author's Notes

New Note: I have a feeling that a bunch of you reading this now are new to this "epic" (sniggers)…all the old FFX section faces (ok, that's an exaggeration…most of them) have disappeared. But, even though I haven't updated in four months, I'm still here. Sort of. Anyway, enjoy, and don't forget to review! And if you feel inclined to review multiple chapters, go ahead!

I'm sticking this here because I didn't want to mess up the chaptering and reviews and what not, and thought that chapters one and two needed a bit of revision. So now they're together. But if I didn't include this, then the story doesn't jump up when updated and no one would know. Tragic! I needed to give title credits anyway, because by the time I finish a chapter, I'm often too spent to think of a title for it. So I use songs. I would definitely recommend all of this music, so go and download it now (and go buy every CD that Queen or the Who ever put out)! Cause I said so!

You Better You Bet - The Who, written by Pete Townshend

Chapter -  
5: Don't Lose Your Head - Queen  
6: Steppin' Out - Fantastic Plastic Machine  
7: Don't Stop Me Now - Queen, written by Freddie Mercury  
8: Fakin' It - Simon and Garfunkel, written by Paul Simon  
9: If I had a Million Dollars - Barenaked Ladies, ruined by the New York Lotto  
10: Tequila! It Makes Me Happy! - Terrorvision  
11: Living in the Past - Jethro Tull, written by Ian Anderson  
12: Under Pressure - written and performed by Queen and David Bowie, plagiarized by Vanilla Ice  
13: Seaside Rendezvous - Queen, written by Freddie Mercury

14: Only the Good Die Young – Billy Joel

15: Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy – Queen, written by Freddie Mercury

16: Lowrider – ZZTop

17: Luck be a Lady – from the musical Guys and Dolls

18: Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand


	2. Not that you would but you could

**You Better You Bet**

_By Mignonne_

Chapter 1: Not That You Would…but You Could

Disclaimer:  Characters don't belong to me.  Neither does Final Fantasy X.  The title is the name of a song recorded by the Who and written by Pete Townshend, from whom I've shamelessly swiped it.  I wouldn't be worth suing anyway.  If Squaresoft or Pete and Roger want my student loan debts, they're welcome to take them.  Just so long as they don't take my car.  Or my pony.

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_When I say I love you you say you better   
You better you better you bet   
When I say I need you you say you better   
You better you better you bet   
You better bet your life   
Or love will cut you like a knife_

                        You Better You Bet, The Who

  
Auron was tired. He was fairly certain he was getting too old for this sort of thing. Or perhaps he was just getting too dead. Promises kept him in Spira, but they couldn't stop his longing for rest. But he would never admit it, not to anyone. He clung on, determined to protect the daughter of his friend.

  
"Why are you still here?" Seymour had asked. Though the tone of the question had been snide, Auron knew that there was some truth to it. What was he doing? Fulfilling promises, he kept telling himself. But that wasn't the only reason. He wanted to give the deaths of Jecht and Braska some meaning. He couldn't if he was on the Farplane.   
  
So he was on another pilgrimage, this time with Braska's daughter, Yuna. Every time Auron looked at her, he realized how young she was. He knew Braska would have been proud of her. As would Jecht of Tidus, even though Tidus swore he hated his father. He watched as the two of them disappeared into the Farplane, followed by Kimahri, Lulu, and Wakka. This left him alone with Rikku.  
  
***  
  
Rikku sat on the edge of the ledge, dangling her legs and looking into the nothingness beyond. She couldn't believe what Seymour had just done. Poor Yunie! She wished she had been able to kidnap Yuna successfully. Then she'd be safe, and wouldn't have to deal with this. But maybe, if Yuna did marry Seymour, she'd quit her pilgrimage. Rikku sighed. It was wishful thinking and she knew it. Yuna would never agree to end her pilgrimage. She lived - and would die - for the people of Spira. Suddenly, a voice cut through Rikku's thoughts.  
  
"Why are you still out here? No one you wish to see on the farplane?" She turned abruptly, to see Auron standing there, left eyebrow raised above his glasses. She had been so preoccupied that she hadn't realized that he too had stayed behind.  
  
"It's just pyreflies reacting to your memories. Memories are nice, but that's all they are. I keep my memories inside," she replied, after a moment's pause. Auron nodded, seemingly satisfied. But Rikku wasn't. "Why didn't you go?" she asked him, "I know you must have people you'd like to see."  
  
He turned away. "It's complicated," he said, in a tone of voice that very much implied the conversation was over. Rikku was mildly disappointed. The man had intrigued her from the start, though that wasn't very long ago. This was the first chance she had really gotten to talk to him. The legendary guardian of Lord Braska was aloof, cold, and stiff; he seemed absolutely devoid of emotion. Rikku wondered if that was really the case. After an uncomfortable silence, she decided to try a different tact.  
  
"I can't believe Seymour! Does he really expect Yuna to marry him? I didn't like him from the start, you know?"  
  
"You and Tidus both. Though I daresay Tidus likes him even less than you do now."  
  
"Well don't you think it's unfair? That she should marry other than for love. When I marry, it won't be to some creepy Yevonite politician," she proclaimed proudly.  
  
"I doubt you'll be getting many offers from any Yevonites, let alone 'creepy' politicians." Auron's expression was, as always, unreadable behind the high collar and dark glasses. Rikku glared at him, despite the fact that she was sure he didn't care what she thought or felt. Her surprise at the fact Auron had made a joke couldn't outweigh the annoyance that it being at her expense had produced. And Auron wasn't finished. "But what bothers you more, the fact that he's a Yevonite or the fact that he's a politician. Is he 'creepy,'" Auron snidely stressed the word, "Just because he's half Guado?"  
  
"Who do you think I am, Wakka? I'm not prejudiced. I know what it's like to be different. I just think it's wrong that he's marrying Yuna to help his career, you know? Don't you agree? Come on, would you do it if you were in that position?" Rikku realized about five seconds too late that she had said too much. Auron's body language only served to verify this, as he grew stiff - even more than normal - then turned away. Rikku knew the conversation really was over.  
  
***  
  
Auron knew Rikku didn't know about his past. How he had refused the hand of the priest's daughter. Not many did. Of course, had he married her, it would be common knowledge for the people of Spira. It would have been a very much a political marriage...promoting his career rather than anyone else's. And he had refused.  
  
What right had he to influence Yuna's decision? He knew she held him in high esteem, and took any advice he gave very seriously. His approval, even implied, might tip the scales of her decision. Yet he felt wrong giving advice on this matter. He had made his choice. He was what he was. And Yuna needed to make her choice on her own.   
  
He sat in his hotel room in Guadosalam and pondered. The past. The present. The future. He knew what the future would bring for him, but not the rest of Spira. Because for all his melancholy and feigned disinterest, he really did care. Especially about his travelling companions, though not in the way he had the last ones. They were all so young and hopeful. He hated the word hope after his had been taken.   
  
His mind wandered, finally coming back to what Rikku had said. He had been in that position, he knew what it was like. He had chosen exile over power. Yet fate was funny. Now he was the "legendary guardian," Sir Auron, though he didn't feel that way. He wondered what would happen should the populace of Spira discover his deceased status. Or should his traveling companions discover what he was. He wondered if Yuna would look at him the same way, that borderline adoration apparent in her gaze. Maybe she wouldn't listen to what advice he had to give.  
  
Yuna shouldn't marry Seymour. He deep down agreed with Rikku. Seymour was a creepy guy, though exactly why he wasn't sure. He was young to be a Maester of Yevon; the title itself led to abuse of power, coupled with Seymour's age, Auron had a feeling it would lead to trouble, with a capital T. Yuna's status would only make things worse. It would make Seymour look all too wonderful in the eyes of Spira. But at the same time, it would bring joy. He did not envy Yuna her decision one bit. The only thing he knew for sure was that he would stand behind her no matter what. It was what Braska would have wanted. A promise was a promise.  
  
***  
  
Rikku was terrified, and not just for Yuna, who had just gone to see Seymour. They had been assured that Seymour wished Yuna to continue her pilgrimage even if they did marry. That ended Auron's objections to the marriage at least (thought it removed Rikku's only reason to support a decision in that direction), and Rikku knew how much his opinion mattered to her cousin. Rikku feared that Yuna would mistake his apparent indifference for actual approval. And that might sway her decision. The wrong way.  
  
Auron could see Rikku out of the corner of his eye. He had a feeling she didn't realize she was staring at him. She looked angry. He couldn't blame her for being upset; none of them were happy about the situation, though why it seemed to be directed at him, he had no idea. He was fairly certain that Seymour's proposal hadn't been his idea, any more than Yuna's decision was his choice. What Rikku didn't seem to grasp was that a guardian's concern was not of the personal matters of a summoner, but that summoner's immediate safety and protection. All else was unimportant, as long as Sin was defeated. Keep telling yourself that old man, you may start to believe it.  
  
***  
  
Of course, as this was parading through his thoughts, he didn't realize that he was staring at Rikku. The fact that they looked like they were making eyes at each other was not lost on the other members of the party. Wakka, Lulu, and Tidus, desperate for a release from worrying about Yuna, were watching them.  
  
"Oooh...they like each other, ya!" said Wakka quietly.   
  
"Keep it down! They'll hear you and stop doing it!" Lulu said, while kicking Wakka ever-so-discretely in the shin.  
  
"Ok, no need to get violent, ya. That hurt! And you were louder than I was!" Wakka was rather indignant. Lulu was rather ignoring him.  
  
"Hey! Stop flirting and let me watch. This is the first chance I've ever had to get any ammo against Auron!" Tidus looked as if his birthday had come early.   
  
"Didn't he live in Zanarkand for ten years? If you've known him for that long, you must have gotten some dirt on him." Always practical, that Lulu.  
  
"Yeah, but he never DID anything! He just...lurked around...after my old man disappeared."  
  
Lulu rolled her eyes. "Or Tidus was just so oblivious that he missed anything that went on," she whispered to Wakka. Tidus didn't notice. Neither did Wakka.  
  
They watched the pair in silence for a few minutes. Suddenly, Wakka had a stroke of brilliance. "We should have a pool, ya! We can place bets about when they get together and keep an eye on them. Whoever's closest gets to keep...uh..."  
  
"One thousand gil to enter. Winner keep pot. Kimahri call Calm Lands." Kimahri's statement was met with looks of shock. He had been standing in the corner not thirty seconds ago; how he knew what they were talking about was beyond anyone's comprehension. Maybe the Ronso had really good hearing. Not only that, but it was an actual statement out of Kimahri that wasn't along the lines of "Protect Yuna." It was also more than three words at once.   
  
Tidus, who liked to hear himself talk a little too much, was the first to recover. "Well then I get...Zanarkand, cause it's the only place I know we're going. Yeah!"  
  
Lulu was next to cast her lot. "The Thunder Plains."  
  
There was a silence before Wakka finally came up with "Bevelle." Clearly, that required as much deep thought as did his choice of hairstyle every morning.  
  
"Well then. Rules must be set." Lulu was a firm believer in the rules. "No outside interference...this has to happen of their own accord." Lulu had used a big word and both Wakka and Tidus looked confused. Lulu didn't seem to care.  
  
Neither did Kimahri, who put in, "Pool end when Sir Auron kiss Rikku. Kimahri get money."  
  
*That* Wakka and Tidus understood. "Nuh uh either. I'm gonna get the money, ya?"  
  
"No way! It's mine!"  
  
Lulu rolled her eyes dramatically. "That's enough! When I collect, you'll all see."  
  
***  
  
As absorbed in each other as Auron and Rikku were, they didn't miss the commotion. Auron ambled over. The four schemers quickly shut up and made quick excuses.  
  
"We were talking about...Seymour...yeah!" Tidus claimed, a little too enthusiastically.  
  
"He makes us angry, ya?"  
  
"Poor Yuna..." Lulu put in, combined with her very best 'pouty face.'  
  
Kimahri just nodded gravely.  
  
This seemed to satisfy Auron, as well as Rikku, who had just bounded over. Yuna soon returned and they were told of Seymour's departure for Macalania. The gamblers breathed a collective sigh of relief that they had gone undiscovered and the group departed for the Thunder Plains.  
  
***  
  
Rikku was trudging. Usually, she bounced, or maybe skipped, or sometimes even hopped, but today was not a bouncing day. She was dragging her feet and jumping into the air every time lighting struck. Which was often.  
  
Auron was studiously ignoring her antics. While privately, he thought them quite annoying and was suppressing the urge to smack her, he didn't let that show on his face. Warrior monks are funny like that, especially when they're die-hard stoics like Auron.  
  
Lulu was watching them carefully, studying body language. They were only on the Thunder Plains for so long, and her time was running out. So she decided to help things along a bit. Rikku had been walking a little apart from the group, drifting behind at a slow shuffle.   
  
"Rikku, the lightning will be attracted to the tallest thing in the plains. Since we're not by any poles that would be Auron, because he's the tallest one in the group. You should get closer to him, that way you won't get hit," Lulu suggested, proud of her 'stroke of brilliance' and unerring logic.   
  
Her companions looked annoyed, except for Yuna, who looked oblivious. Tidus realized she hadn't been filled in, and resolved to do so at the next opportunity. Not only would it give him an excuse to talk alone with Yuna, but she would think he was brilliant when he told her about the great idea he had had (he was, of course, discounting the fact that it hadn't been his idea at all).  
  
Rikku had quickly scooted up and was now clinging to the back of Auron's jacket and heels in a low crouch. Lulu was pleased.  
  
***  
  
They had arrived at Rin's travel agency, Thunder Plains division, shortly thereafter. After fighting, mainly with Auron, to remain, Rikku had won and they were safely indoors. Rikku was happy.  
  
Auron had disappeared into a room. He had decided to take advantage of the rest while they had it. He was quite annoyed that they had paused, albeit briefly, for the newest member of the entourage. Her fear of thunder was frankly irrational, despite her insistence that she had had a bad experience as a child. Did she mean to imply that she wasn't *still* a child?  
  
Auron was catnapping when a timid knock came on the door. Small fingers curled around the door and a small face poked in, followed by a small body. 'Shit,' Auron thought, 'Just what I need.' He steeled himself and gave her his best unrelenting stare. If she had come to gloat, he wasn't going to take it.  
  
Rikku shifted uncomfortably under his disconcerting gaze. It made her nervous. Nevertheless, she was going to say her piece.  
  
"I'm sorry. And thank you. I know you didn't want to stop and I'm sorry for making you and thank you for giving me a chance to rest." It came out in one breath, a barely recognizable jumble of words. Rikku looked frightened.  
  
Auron nodded once, so slightly that Rikku thought she might have imagined it. He would never cut her any slack. That was part of why everyone respected him, she realized, he didn't tolerate anything from anyone. She decided then and there that *she* wouldn't tolerate being blatantly ignored by Auron. Which meant that rather than turning and leaving, which would have been the intelligent thing to do, she stayed.   
  
After a good minute had passed, she was still there. She looked like she was trembling slightly. She and Auron had locked eyes.  
  
"Yes?" he asked, "Anything else?"  
  
Rikku decided to lay her cards on the table right then and there. "I'm not just a little kid, you know."  
  
"If I had thought that, I wouldn't have allowed Yuna to make you a guardian," Auron countered swiftly, eager to end the conversation and get back to his nap.   
  
"Oh." Rikku looked a little forlorn. She tried again. "Wouldn't have let Yuna make me a guardian? Who's pilgrimage do you think this is?" She knew, even as she was saying it, how trite her statement was. As did he.  
  
Auron's cool gaze remained fixed on the girl. "Yuna respects my opinion. You clearly don't seem to care what I think or you wouldn't still be here."  
  
Ouch. That one hurt. He wanted her out. She didn't want to leave on such a bad note.  
  
"Well...you're a meanie! I hope you realize that!" Rikku stomped her foot, nodding her head forcefully. Auron's expression remained unchanged. Rikku just stood there. The girl just couldn't drop it, could she?  
  
Fortunately, Rikku was saved from shoving her foot so far down her throat that it would have needed to be surgically removed by a knock on the door. "Sir Auron?" Wakka's voice rang through the wood. "It's almost time to go."  
  
Rikku was glad that Wakka didn't seem to realize she was also present.  
  
***  
  
Wakka was pretty happy. He had heard what had gone on. Listened to the whole conversation, in fact, ready to interrupt when things got out of hand. He couldn't very well just let Lulu win, now could he? He sauntered down the hall, thrilled with his own brilliance and convinced he had just cinched his own win.  
  
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Does Wakka win the betting pool? Will Rikku learn to cut her loses and drop the subject? Will Auron get over his inner strife? Will Tidus get some 'ammo'? Will this actually end up being an Aurikku? Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat place!   
  
Feedback is nice. If you thought this was mediocre, please tell me. Mediocrity is bad. But do it nicely. No "THIS WAS MEDIOCER STORI" or "U sux go kil ursef" but rather tell me why. Or tell me you loved it. That works too.  
  
I even wrote a poem. I've decided to share it.  
  
Feedback makes me happy,  
It really makes my day;  
  
So give me a review or two,  
And I'll smile and say...  
  
Feedback makes me happy...


	3. Rinse and Repeat

Whee! Chapter three! It sucks being busy. I mean to write more often, I really do, but school and my job get in the way. Enjoy!  
  
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Rikku was quite unhappy with her conversation with Auron. Not only did she not obtain the desired results (which had been to thank him, not fight), but she was reasonably certain that he thought she was immature and about as intelligent as one of Lulu's moogle dolls. Which only inspired her to try even harder to convince him that she did have a clue and that she was a worthy guardian for Yunie. It didn't occur to her that Auron had never said she wasn't a worthy guardian. She was also fairly certain she had made things worse by following him out the door, yelling at him. Oopsie...   
  
The party was now crossing the final section of the Thunder Plains. Rikku was still sticking close to Auron...Lulu's "logic" was winning over her growing feelings of distaste. Auron seemed to be tolerating her presence, or was simply ignoring her. She had a feeling it was the later, as her actions had been pretty extreme. She sighed and shuffled on, heedless of the looks the others were giving the pair.  
  
Auron, meanwhile, was too busy thinking murderous thoughts to actually pay attention to Rikku. The girl was like a deeply embedded splinter - annoying as hell and impossible to get rid of. He toyed with the idea of offering to let her ride on his shoulders for protection. If Lulu hadn't brought up the fact that lightning was attracted to taller structures, she probably would have fallen for it, not realizing that it would have made *her* a taller structure and thusly more likely to get zapped. But he felt something almost akin to pity for her; he knew how scarring past experiences could be.  
  
***  
  
Yuna was sitting in her room, looking moody. Suddenly, a large crowd burst in. Tidus, Wakka, Lulu, and Kimahri were all standing there, with expressions ranging from smug (Lulu) to indifferent (Kimahri) to annoyed (Tidus). The pool was quickly explained.  
  
"But that's not very nice!" Yuna protested, feeling the need to defend her two loyal guardians. Then, in an undertone, she added, "Were they really staring at each other?"  
  
The others quickly confirmed it. Yuna frowned.   
  
"Mt. Gagazet," she said quietly, looking scandalized at her decision to take part. Then, a voice came from the door.  
  
"I couldn't help but overhear your little discussion." They turned to see Rin standing in the doorway. "May I participate?" he asked.  
  
"Sure. As long as you've got the money, ya?" said Wakka, looking to the others for their assent.  
  
"Fine then. I claim all of my Travel Agencies."  
  
Thus, the pool was expanded.  
  
***  
  
Naturally, when Auron walked out, trailed by a yelling Rikku, everyone had scurried out behind them, listening closely. The conversation (if you could give it so civilized a label) that ensued had not been pretty.  
  
"Don't walk away, you big meanie!" Rikku had yelled. Auron had ignored her. It continued.   
  
"Come on! Stop ignoring me!"  
  
"Auron! I'm talking to you!"  
  
Nothing Rikku had said could get him to respond. She stood, her lower lip trembling, staring at his retreating form. She didn't even seem to notice as a bolt of lightning hit the ground just inches behind her. Rikku was used to being the center of attention at all times. She disliked being ignored. She sniffed angrily as the tears rapidly pooling in her eyes threatened to spill over. She would *not* cry. She ran up behind Auron, grabbing his arm. He walked on, dragging the girl behind him like dead weight.  
  
"Auron!" Rikku whined. He halted and turned slowly to face her.  
  
"What do you want from me? I have nothing to say to you. I think my feelings have been made quite clear. Now leave me alone." And with that, he strode off, leaving a shocked Rikku standing there alone.  
  
In the distance, Lulu was cursing violently under her breath while the other bettors breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
***  
  
As the group walked toward the edge of the Thunder Plains, no one talked. If things hadn't been bad enough with the tension between Rikku and Auron, Yuna had made her decision and announced her plans to marry Seymour. Morale seemed to be at an all time low. Something needed to be done.  
  
Lulu considered her options. They were almost out of the Thunder Plains and she was running short on time. Suggesting stopping to rest was out of the picture, as they had just done so, and besides, Auron probably would have continued to ignore Rikku. No, Lulu decided, she would have to force a conversation herself, though it was probably a lost cause.  
  
Lulu strode forward until she was even with Auron, who was leading.  
  
"I think all this tension is affecting our performance in battle." Weak, but better than nothing. She decided to ignore the fact that it had actually helped them. A pissy Auron was a powerful one; the fact that he seemed to be taking his frustrations out on the fiends upped his strength. Auron's single russet eye rolled back to look at Lulu.  
  
"I haven't noticed any difficulty," he stated simply. Lulu was ready.   
  
"Well I have. Maybe you're fine, but some of us are sensitive. Tidus seems distracted. Wakka's accuracy has gone down. And the nerves of a black mage are a very sensitive thing. I just don't think we're at our usual level all around," she said, with a dignified sniff.  
  
Auron just rolled his eye and walked faster, leaving a dejected Lulu in his wake. She cursed. They had just exited the Thunder Plains.  
  
***  
  
Bonus mini-fic:  
  
Signs you're obsessed with Final Fantasy X (all things I do)  
  
- Whenever you hear those two guys in your English class discussing the game (even though neither have finished it yet), your head jerks over and you hang on every word (even though you can't stand one of them for flushing your Barbie down the toilet in kindergarten...long standing emotional issues).  
  
- You're failing Physics class because you spend the entire time doing one of two things. You're either playing SimCity on your Palm Pilot, giving all your cities Spira inspired names (and designing them as loyally to the game as possible...Luca's on the water and centered around the stadium, etc.), or you're writing fan fiction and plot outlines (again on said Palm Pilot).  
  
- When you say you're going to check your email, not only do you do that, but also check FF.net for updates and reviews. If there are none, you click the reload button. Again. And again. And again.  
  
- When driving around in your car, every song that comes on the radio must be in some way related to FFX's plot, characters, or imaginary couplings.  
  
- Some days, your clothing choices are "inspired" by FFX. Orange and green sooo match; large, floppy sleeves are sooo in this season; knee high boots and purple skirts are HOT; and damn...gotta look good just in case you're randomly pulled into a parallel universe a la Tidus. Since once you're there, you apparently don't change clothes, every day you have to wear something you wouldn't mind being stuck in.  
  
- You go looking in graveyards for Auron (ok, so I haven't done this one).  
  
YOU! You there! REVIEW! I know you're reading this, don't try to hide it! Didn't your mommy tell you to do unto others what you would have them do to you? That means you should review if you like to get them too! 


	4. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours

I've got inflammation of the colon. Yeah. That and a *BAD* case of chronic senioritis. "Deadly" combination, to which I can attest. My mom, who happens to be a Pediatrician, is actually letting me miss school today. Which is unusual...I didn't miss a single day of school until freshman year of high school (excluding the 15+ days every year I got to skip to go skiing...course that doesn't happen anymore). At any rate, it means no school for Mignonne today. And the masses rejoice, because *that* means...TIME TO WRITE! Yes! Hopefully I'll get LOTS done today (though I won't post it all at once, sorry), though so far all I've done is change my desktop wallpaper (new Queen-themed picture!) and gone to the A&P to buy a cocktail shrimp ring (damn, I love those things!). Enjoy the fruits of my strange "illness" as I am definitely in a writing mood. (I do, of course, feel FINE!) Personally, I thought the last chapter was weak filler (I had been up till three the night before reading Oh! My Goddess! manga; so sue me), so I'm trying to make up for it. I'm on a roll... freedom does that to me.   
  
Wow, that's a long author's note.  
  
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Auron had forgotten how much he disliked Macalania. Especially the butterflies. Damn those butterflies. The place had been bad enough when he was alive. Now he wasn't. The forest was teeming with life, making his lack thereof that much more acute. It was very unfortunate. His odium was only made worse by Rikku's loud commentary.  
  
"Oooh! This place is so pretty! Butterflies, tee hee!" The girl trotted merrily ahead, her delight to be free of the Thunder Plains evident in her rapture. Her green eyes were roughly the size of dinner plates as she tilted her head back and spun in a circle, her giggling sounding dangerously close to the point of hysteria. Damn, she must really be scared of lightning, Auron thought idly. Fortunately, she had made no further attempts at conversation since being told off, though that had only been a short while ago.  
  
He wondered why she kept trying to talk to him. He wished she would stop. He had come up with a theory as to why this phenomenon was occurring. Rikku was used to being the center of attention. When she wasn't, she got mad. He was ignoring her. She wasn't used to being ignored. Thusly, she was mad. He had the feeling that if he continued to ignore her, she would get even madder. Auron tried not to let himself have any fun, as it might interfere with his projected persona, but this opportunity was just too tempting. He decided to play.  
  
***  
  
"Tidus! Stop playing with the butterflies and get over here! We're having an important discussion!" Lulu snapped, annoyed with the blond blitzer's antics. He had been attempting to catch the blue butterflies for close to an hour now, and was having minimal success. It seemed he was either colorblind or just plain stupid. Lulu sincerely hoped it was the former, but had suspicions of the latter.  
  
Tidus ambled over to the assembled group. They were speaking in furtive whispers, occasionally glancing over to where Rikku was *still* spinning and Auron was glaring menacingly at her.  
  
"What's up?" the Meg Ryan clone (AN: sorry, couldn't resist!) asked, running a hand through his hair in a preening fashion.  
  
"This is important, ya," said Wakka. "No one has a bet for Macalania, so we can't let them near each other!" The others quickly nodded in assent.  
  
"If Sir Auron and Rikku kiss now, then we all lose," Yuna added. "We need to work together, to keep that from happening!" She still seemed amazed at her own participation. She knew she, of all people, should not be condoning these activities, but she couldn't resist. It was, of course, a distraction, something that existed in quantities far too small for her liking.  
  
"So we assign babysitting duties, right?" asked Tidus, eager to get back to his butterflies.  
  
"Right. Good idea, Tidus," said Lulu, with a degree of amazement apparent in her voice. Maybe she needed to loosen her corset. The lack of blood flow might be affecting her brain, slowing down functions and allowing Tidus time to come up with coherent thoughts. Time to delegate tasks.  
  
"So Tidus and Wakka will take Auron," said Yuna, before Lulu could open her mouth. Yuna was sorely tempted to go with Tidus, but decided against it, as Auron still made her nervous. Tidus put on a pouty face.  
  
"Kimahri, Yuna, and Lulu get Rikku," Kimahri rumbled.   
  
Of course, during this important discussion, it occurred to none of them that Lulu had already lost. Lulu fully realized, however. She decided that if *she* couldn't win, she didn't want anyone else to.  
  
***  
  
Rikku was annoyed. She didn't think it was very polite of Seymour to leave so soon after his proposal. And she was still mad that the proposal had been made. Auron's utter refusal to talk to her infuriated her even further. She had thought that she had made some headway with him while they were waiting for the others at the Farplane, but he clearly couldn't stand her. Yes, all things considered, she was currently a basket case.   
  
What to do about Auron? She considered her options. It annoyed her that he was suddenly the main occupant of her thoughts. She knew the waiting game wouldn't work...he'd continue not to talk to her and she'd be no better off. Unless he noticed her silence, as he was sure to, and wondered if something was wrong. No, that wouldn't work, because he probably wouldn't care even if there was.  
  
Bringing her to her next option, which was, of course, continuing to bother him. That was probably the way to go if she wanted to elicit an actual response, albeit an annoyed one. Deep in thought, she tripped over a root, which brought her back to reality. She found that she and Lulu were now walking abreast.  
  
"Rikku," Lulu gave a slight nod in the girl's direction.  
  
"Hi Lulu!" Rikku chirped perkily. Despite her mental 'anguish', she was still euphoric about escaping the Thunder Plains.  
  
"Happy to be here?" Lulu asked, though she already knew the answer.  
  
"YES! The Thunder Plains were *so* scary, you know? And Auron was *so* mean!"  
  
Lulu smiled. All too easy. "What's going on with you two?" she asked, doing her best to look concerned rather than smug.  
  
Rikku shrugged and gazed ahead at the scarlet jacket leading the group. She didn't really feel like sharing. Lulu quickly picked up on this sudden unwillingness to converse from the usually overly loquacious girl. She decided to take the bull by the horns.  
  
"You like him, don't you?" Rikku looked up, startled. Lulu continued, "I myself know the allure of the older man all too well."   
  
Rikku stopped walking in her shock, then came to her senses and trotted back up to Lulu, who had continued moving. Lulu was bravely fighting the evil smirk threatening to take over her face.  
  
"You think I...I mean...NO! I don't! Not at all! He's mean and old and nasty and I hate him," Rikku spat vehemently. "And he has a mullet," she added as an afterthought. (AN: Soooo true! Has anyone else noticed that? Auron has a MULLET!!! That's all I think whenever I hear about his long hair, cause it's definitely short in the front. Business in the front, party in the back, that's our Auron!)  
  
"You don't like his mullet? Weak excuse," Lulu informed Rikku, "Say whatever you like, but I know the truth, and I think you do too." There, that should do it, she thought. Plant the seed! And with that, Lulu left a very confused Rikku alone with her thoughts.  
  
***  
  
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. Tidus had chased butterflies, Auron and Rikku hadn't talked, and Lulu was still a sore loser. As the speedier route along the bridge was unfortunately out of commission, they were taking the long way. And it was the LONG way. So they decided to stop for the night in the middle of the woods. This made the plotters nervous. What might happen on a night in the woods?  
  
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(Sigh) Why are days off so *short*? They were so much longer when I was younger! Well, I'm off to do one more thing to make my grand day off complete. I am, of course, going to go watch one of my Sailor Moon S DVDs and throw popcorn at the screen whenever Chibi-usa/Sailor Chibi-Moon comes on. God, I HATE her.   
  
This chapter was written while watching and listening to Mr. Nice. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go to this address. I have an obsession with this thing...so cute. And I love the music. Yeah, I'm a freak. http://www.columbia.edu/~sjt59/mr_nice.swf  
  
Please review...don't make me resort to writing another sad little poem...cause I will, I hope you know that. Seriously, I actually put some time into writing this, and it's nice to be recognized. 


	5. Don't lose your head!

This chapter contains the obligatory sake drink. Now, I know that someone did a sake rant, but I feel I must add. Most sake *is* utterly disgusting cold. There are, however, special sakes that are intended to be served cold. They are typically hard to find period, let alone at any level of quality. Cold sakes are usually found at high end (read: expensive) Japanese and pan-Asian restaurants, and tend to run at the high price end of the sake spectrum. Remember, the Japanese language contains over ninety words used to describe the taste and texture of sake (it's like Eskimos and snow!), so there are plenty of varieties. So I've come to this conclusion: Auron spends good money on his sake so he can drink it cold. Either that or he's cheap and holds it over the campfire before he takes a swig. I'm leaning toward the former. But then again, who knows? Auron could be a fan of vodka.  
  
Whee...this is a long one! Enjoy!  
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Rikku's delicate mental balance had been shaken. Lulu's question had prompted soul searching and deep thought. The resultant decision was, well, not a decision, but more confusion. She hadn't thought about her interest in Auron in *that* way. Did she, you know, *like* him?  
  
***  
  
They sat at the campfire; Kimahri, who had planted himself on the log between them, safely separated Rikku and Auron. The woods were unbelievably dark and eerie noises issued from the trees. Rikku rocked gently back and forth in place, shivering slightly in her brief attire. There was some light conversation, but the wood's ominous pressure put no one in a talking mood. Yuna was staring out into space. They all wondered what the coming day would bring.  
  
Camp had been established quickly once they had decided to halt for the evening. Their tents were ready and waiting, one for Yuna, Lulu, and Rikku, and one for Tidus, Auron, Wakka, and Kimahri, but no one wanted to leave the feeling of protection the fire provided just yet. Suddenly, Auron stood. "I'm going for a walk," he stated simply, striding out of the clearing and leaving no room for argument. Neither Tidus nor Wakka made any move to follow, despite their "babysitting" duty. Auron clearly wished to be left alone.  
  
He left the circle, walking silently toward a smaller clearing that he knew was within shouting distance. Auron liked to drink alone, and after the day he'd had, he needed one. He found a rock and sat down, uncorking his flask and taking a slow sip of sake (AN: Vodka? Scotch? Gin? Bourbon?), savoring it as it ran down his throat. If only Jecht could see him now, the pious warrior monk, drinking himself into oblivion. He gazed into space and let his mind wander. It was the only part of him that still felt alive.  
  
***  
  
Rikku watched the scarlet cloaked guardian leave with mixed feelings. On one hand, this saved her from further embarrassing herself by attempting conversation. On the other, she found his presence comforting. She sat with the others, staring listlessly into the fire. She wondered what Auron was doing. She blamed Lulu for turning her thoughts toward him. She wondered how she really felt about the man. She wanted to talk to him privately again. She made a decision.  
  
She got up, stretched, and walked toward the tent as if heading for bed. Wishing the others goodnight, she entered the tent. She then exited the tent by shimmying under the back end, out of sight of the fire. She didn't want the fact that she was going to talk to Auron to be common knowledge, especially after her conversation with Lulu. Did everyone think she had feelings for Auron?  
  
Once out of the tent, she crept silently through the forest, going wide around where the others were still gathered by the campfire. She headed in the direction that Auron had taken when he had left the group.   
  
***  
  
After sitting together at the fire for another few minutes, Yuna decided it was time for her to join her cousin and turn in as well. The others watched her walk into the tent, then walk right back out of it.  
  
"Rikku! She's...gone!" Yuna looked extremely worried.   
  
They had seen Rikku go in, but they hadn't seen her come out. That could mean one of two things. She could have been attacked by fiends, but they had heard no noise and could find no sign of conflict. The other choice, and the more likely one, was that she had gone to find Auron. Which meant they needed to find Auron too, as Rikku was presumably with him.  
  
***  
  
He was sitting on a rock, his scarlet clad back facing the approaching girl. He appeared not to notice her, but as she drew closer he said without turning around, "Leave me alone."   
  
Rikku paused briefly. "No." She padded over and sat down on the rock next to him. His good eye glanced at her, apparently indifferent to her seat's proximity to him. She could smell the alcohol he had been drinking; the scent was musky and exotic.   
  
They sat in silence that was almost amicable for several minutes, Auron occasionally taking sips. Rikku wondered how much he had imbibed, and how much more he would have to before he would be considered drunk.   
  
"Auron," Rikku said after a moments thought, "You don't like me very much, do you?"  
  
He snorted lightly. "I don't hate you, if that's what you're wondering."  
  
"I'm glad. I guess...I've been pretty annoying, haven't I? I wouldn't blame you if you did, you know?"  
  
Auron didn't reply for several long seconds. "It would be shallow of me to hate someone just because of a few antagonistic encounters. You rubbed me the wrong way, that's all."  
  
Rikku mulled this over. The man's logic was indisputable. Yet, in all her brief experience, when emotions were concerned, logic never won out.   
  
"Does this mean you're going to be civil to me from now on? Cause I don't like being ignored, you know?"  
  
He nodded, the barest hint of a smile playing on his lips. "If you insist."  
  
Rikku cocked her head so she was looking straight into his sunglasses. It didn't matter to her that she couldn't see his eye; it was so dark that it wouldn't have done her any good. She wondered briefly how Auron could see in the dark with those glasses on. She leaned in, so they were almost touching noses. Then she smiled cheerfully. "Great!"  
  
Auron shook his head softly at her enthusiasm, though his lips were curved in a gentle smile.   
  
***  
  
"Oh dear! It seems they've bonded!" said Yuna worriedly. The others looked on in horror. Auron and Rikku were sitting *way* too close for comfort.  
  
"Uh oh! They're getting pretty close, ya?"  
  
"Any closer, and they'd be kissing," said Lulu, unable to contain her glee.  
  
"Well we've gotta do something!" exclaimed Tidus. He spotted a rock on the ground and picked it up. Yuna, who realized what he was about to do, looked absolutely horrified.  
  
"Should I?" Tidus asked, looking for confirmation. He knew it would be rude, but they couldn't take any chances. Wakka nodded. Kimahri didn't move. The smile fell off of Lulu's face. Yuna hung her head and they could hear her muttering "I'm so sorry Sir Auron. I'm so sorry Rikku," quietly under her breath.  
  
"Quick Tidus, I think he's moving in!" Wakka exclaimed, despite the fact that the two figures hadn't moved an inch.  
  
Tidus took aim and heaved.  
  
***  
  
"Shit!" Auron exclaimed, jumping up so quickly that he and Rikku banged heads. She fell to the ground and muttered nasty things in Al Bhed.  
  
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing her forehead. Auron had already picked up his sword and was wandering toward the woods.  
  
"Something hit me in the back of the head," he replied, looking over the top of his glasses and squinting into the bushes. They heard scrambling noises as whatever it was made its getaway.  
  
"Sounds like more than one of whatever it was," Rikku commented lightly. Somehow, she felt like Auron would protect her from the things that went bump in the night.  
  
"Sounds like whatever they were, they're gone now." Auron shook his head. All this conversation was getting to him and he felt the urge to kill whatever it was. That, and his head *really* hurt. Whatever it was had a damn good arm.  
  
Rikku walked over to where he was standing. "I think I'm going back to camp now." She gently touched the sleeve of his jacket before creeping off into the bushes.   
  
As she walked back to her tent, she could see the others. 'Good,' she thought, 'they're still sitting around the campfire. No one will know I was gone.' And she squeezed back into the tent. Phew, home free.  
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I've got something to say. So, how many of you out there have been reading my story since the beginning? And of that number, how many of you have reviewed? (sigh) You people are lucky I'm not some stupid twit with an inferiority complex who stopped writing because I didn't reach my review quota. I'm not stupid. I know more than fifteen people have read my story. But why is it that only fifteen individuals have reviewed? Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass numerically how many reviews I get and how many people actually read what I've written. I'm not going to stop writing. As long as I know that at least one person enjoys what I do, I think it's worthwhile. And since *my* fun has nothing to do with numbers of reviews, there will always be that one person, even if it's just me. I've seen people issue ultimatums along the lines of "Ok guys, I'm not posting the next chapter until I get at least twenty reviews." I think that's pathetic and lame. But I also think all you out there who read and *don't* review are pathetic as well. Thanks so much, all of you that *have* reviewed. Just because my life doesn't rotate around reviews doesn't mean I don't *really* enjoy getting them (and I reciprocate!). And when I ask for reviews, I'm not saying 'Compliment, please!' Go ahead, tell me you *don't* like my story. I'd actually love to see that, too. I've said my piece. Now click on the little box down there and say yours. 


	6. Steppin' Out

Wow. After I posted chapter 5, I had a lousy morning. But it's amazing how the little things can save a day from being a complete disaster. First, the alarm didn't go off, so I was an hour and a half late to school. Of course, I had a calc test second period...oh, I missed that. So I ended up having a Physics test (which I failed), my AP Calculus test (during my lunch period!), then an AP Chem test consecutively. So finally, I decided to cut gym so I could go home and eat (I've only been to class twice this week...we're playing hockey and I was hungry, can you blame me?). I get home and of course, use the computer. And let me tell you, it saved my day from completely sucking ass to see so many reviews. The number has nearly doubled since the last chapter! That wasn't so hard, was it? I love the fact that you guys think my story's laugh out loud funny. You really have no idea how much that thrills me. Anyway, thanks. All you guys that reviewed, I love you.  
  
A warning...I had an all day rehearsal today. Our school musical performances are next week (we're doing Guys and Dolls) and I'm in the pit orchestra. Of course, I play the flute, which is in the Reed 1 book, which is meant to be played by one person who plays the sax, clarinet, AND flute. Which means I had *a lot* of down time because I only played about five of the numbers. So the majority of this chapter was written on my Palm Pilot, at rehearsal. So it might be weird. We had hired professional players for the brass section (of course, I had two incredible trumpet players *blasting* in my right ear), and if any of you guys have met professional musicians before...their jokes are so consistently *not* funny (unless you're laughing at how bad they are, in which case, they're hysterical). So if this chapter's weird, I apologize. Cause I'm finishing it now, it's after midnight, and I just watched Space Balls, so...  
  
Whenever I see Ochu, I think of when Luzzu and Gatta called it 'lord of the jungle.' Then I think of Michael Flatley. Ochu, Lord of the Dance!  
  
Another long authors note. What's with me? I seem to really like long author's notes. In the words of Rikku...Oopsie!  
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Auron had a headache. Sake-head and getting thunked on the noggin...not a good combination. Even worse was the fact that he was almost out of the magic aqua vitae. Nectar of the Gods, undeniably. Though he had just gotten a refill in Guadosalam, his flask was running low. This trip had not been easy, and he had been drinking a little excessively.   
  
They had set out almost with the sun for Macalania temple. That hadn't helped his condition much. He would have liked to have been able to sleep his hangover off a little longer, but that was out of the question. Time was of the essence, or so Yuna seemed to think. She was in quite a hurry to get to Macalania temple and see Seymour. Auron had a feeling it was because she wanted to get things over with. He felt bad for her. The choice she had made wasn't an easy one.  
  
A figure appeared in the distance, running rapidly toward them. 'Shit,' Auron thought, when he saw who it was. Bartello looked frantic. Auron was in no mood to be hero-worshipped. Auron wondered if he had washed his hand yet. He decided he wouldn't let Bartello touch him, just in case. But Bartello didn't seem to be much in the mood for that today. Though he quickly ran off in search of Dona, who had disappeared, his words made them all nervous. They were all keeping a careful eye on Yuna. Auron felt at least a little better. They had their problems as guardians, but at least they hadn't *lost* their summoner. And Auron had gotten to yell at Bartello, who just wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box. Auron liked yelling at morons; it was a good way to relieve stress.  
  
***  
  
They made it out of the woods with no further incidents. As they left, there was a sudden drop in temperature. Snow crunched under their feet, though it had been much too warm for it only minutes before. Rikku was shivering almost violently.  
  
"It's c...c...cold," she squeaked, her teeth chattering noisily.   
  
"We're almost to Rin's Lake Macalania Travel Agency," said Lulu, "you can get warm there."  
  
Auron was not in such a good mood. "Perhaps you'd be ok if you weren't half-naked."  
  
Rikku glared at him. It seemed as if their truce was over. "I am *not* half-naked," she declared.  
  
"I'm sorry. Three-quarters naked then."  
  
Rikku did not respond, but instead stomped forward, eager to get to Rin's and away from Auron as fast as possible. He clearly wasn't in a good mood and she didn't want to deal with it. She wondered if his previous benevolence was merely because of whatever he was drinking. Or could it be because they were alone? Or maybe it had been a blue moon. Funny things tend to happen when there's a blue moon out.  
  
***  
  
"Welcome to O'aka's!"  
  
They were standing outside Rin's by Lake Macalania. Though O'aka was money grubbing, he still had quality goods. Rikku was hopping up and down, still clearly freezing. She was also still glaring at Auron. Apparently the irony of the fact that all his jokes were at her expense had not escaped her. They were chatting politely with O'aka, who seemed to know everything that was going on in Spira. Rikku eventually decided she'd had enough.  
  
"I'm going inside" she said, and promptly disappeared through the travel agency's doors.  
  
"Maybe she's going to get a jacket," Tidus suggested. The others sniggered, but followed Rikku's lead and headed inside.  
  
***  
  
Rikku felt much better. She had been so cold, she couldn't move her fingers. This had lead to some difficulty when she needed to use the Little Al Bhed's room. (AN: Personal experience can attest - this actually happened to me! Damn that marching band!) She was heading back to the front to find the others. The door opened out and she gave it a good shove. It swung open halfway, suddenly connecting with something very solid on the other side. She heard a muffled grunt and pulled the door back, peaking cautiously around it.  
  
A very disgruntled looking Auron was sitting in the hallway, rubbing his forehead. His glasses were sitting on the floor next to him, hideously bent.   
  
"Oooh! Sorry!" Rikku looked nervous. Auron grimaced.  
  
"My head certainly wasn't hurting enough to begin with," he said, right hand drifting up to pull his collar down and rub his neck. Rikku realized it was the first time she had really seen his face. His face was pale and looked pained, the long scar standing out in stark contrast. She found herself comparing him to the younger man she had seen earlier in the Jecht Sphere. He was still handsome, certainly, despite his disfigurement, and there was an almost scornful kind of wisdom that had been absent in the past. Auron had seen plenty in the past ten years, and those years had made their mark on him. Rikku suddenly realized she was staring, though Auron had made no move to stop her. She jumped into action.  
  
"Here, let me help," she said, moving to pick up his lost eyewear. Unfortunately, he leaned toward the glasses at the same moment. Their heads smacked together, leaving both reeling from the contact. Rikku ended up losing her balance, pitching backward then falling forward. They suddenly found themselves in the most awkward position either could have imagined. Rikku's weight had thrown Auron back so he was lying on the ground (and he had hit his head *again*). She was now sprawled on top of him. They lay there for several seconds, Auron shocked he wasn't unconscious, and Rikku, turning as red as the material she found herself lying on and trying not to die of embarrassment. Auron realized his head hurt more now than it had the day he had died, which was definitely saying something. But the irony of the situation did not escape him. He began to laugh, first quietly, but quickly growing in volume. Rikku sat bolt upright in shock.  
  
"Are you ok?" she asked. "Did you hit your head again?" Auron just laughed harder.  
  
"Yes," he managed to gasp between fits of laughter. "I hit it...again."  
  
In spite of herself, Rikku felt her face split into a grin, and a giggle escaped her lips. Soon, they were both in hysterics. Tears were streaming down both of their faces and the uncomfortable moment was clearly over. It looked like they were getting along again.  
  
***  
  
Tidus was out for a walk. After stopping to chat briefly with _______(AN: the chocobo knight/breeder guy, whose name for the life of me, I can't remember. Whatever. He seriously bothered me. He "knows what chocobos want." Whenever I get to that part of the game...sexual references abound. Next week on Jerry Springer: Chocobos and the men who love them), he wandered over to talk to O'aka. Soon Lulu wandered over and joined the conversation. Which, of course, quickly turned to the betting pool, as most did when neither Auron nor Rikku were present.   
  
"O'aka the Twenty-third is not a gambling man," was O'aka's declaration. He quickly added, "But this is too tempting to pass up. Put me down for...eh, what's not taken?"  
  
"Basically, the rest of Macalania. Kimahri's got the Calm Lands, Tidus has Zanarkand, Wakka has Bevelle, Yuna has Mt. Gagazet, Rin has his travel agencies, and I *had* the Thunder Plains." Lulu still looked grumpy, not that that was any change. She always looked grumpy.  
  
"Right then, Macalania it is! Pleasure doing business with you."   
  
The stakes were high. All the bases were covered. Someone had to win. But who?  
  
***  
  
Once Yuna, Wakka, and Kimahri had been filled in on the state of the pool, an impromptu meeting of the five conspirators was held.  
  
"We can't let those sleazy merchants win, ya?" Wakka declared. The others agreed.  
  
"We'll just have to, you know, work together to sabotage their chances," said Tidus. Lulu made a wheezing sound.   
  
"That's not very nice," said a solemn-faced Yuna.   
  
"Do we have a choice?" asked Wakka.  
  
Kimahri just stood there.   
  
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Really guys, thanks again. You really saved my day (It was a Friday too. Fridays aren't supposed to suck!). Let me stress again...reviews make me *happy*. Keep giving them. If you don't, well...I've got a bunch of email addresses now. I'll...fill your mailboxes with...chain letters if you don't review! You have been warned. On a serious note, the fact that you guys think I'm funny makes me *so* happy. So if I start getting...not so funny, or my humor gets too crude, tell me. And don't forget to tell me if I still have the golden touch. Laughing out loud is good. I know I've laughed a couple times while writing this, and it makes me feel good knowing I'm not the only one who thinks it's funny. So the moral of the story...REVIEW!!! 


	7. Don't Stop Me Now!

Last night, I was walking down the stairs, contemplating writer's block. Or the fact that as of yet, I have had none, but was feeling pretty clogged at that moment. I had spent my time at work brainstorming, and nothing came to me. And then...inspiration hit. Why does that happen every chapter? (Sigh) I laughed so hard I cried writing this one. How 'bout all you guys knock on wood for me now that I've jinxed myself.  
  
I have a friend who thinks Swedish people are from another planet. Planet Sweden. They're just so...perfect; it's almost unnatural. I think that if there is a Planet Sweden, the Al Bheds come from there too. They're all so blonde-haired and blue/green-eyed. And Rin *sounds* like a Swede. I've thought that for a while now, just wanted to share.  
  
My spell checker doesn't put red squiggles under any of the character's names any more. Except Kimahri, which it keeps trying to tell me is spelled Kimari.  
  
This chapter was written while listening to My Generation, The Who's Greatest Hits. Neither Pete Townshend nor Roger Daltrey was harmed during the writing of this fic.  
  
Today in English class, our teacher sent us to wander the halls, find someone we didn't know, and write a narrative from their perspective. I picked a secretary in a red shirt and wrote about her torrid love affair with the thirty-five year old stock boy who worked the seafood shelves at the local Shop Rite (cause, you know, the secretary has a passion for cocktail shrimp). He gave her K-Mart jewelry. My teacher thought it was hysterical.   
  
(grin) You guys said you wanted longer... On a side note, this fic has *a looong while* to go. Seriously, a *long* time. Cause I know who's gonna win... ^_^  
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Clasko (Thanks Wargene! That would have bothered me for days!) would not leave Tidus alone. He had overheard Tidus's conversation with O'aka and now wanted in to the betting pool. Frankly, Tidus thought he was annoying to begin with, and when Clasko was following you around, it was that much worse. The fact that Tidus, who annoyed the observing Kimahri, was finding someone else annoying amused the littlest Ronso immensely.   
  
"Hey! Tidus! That sounds like fun! Can I place a bet? Come on...Please?" pleaded Clasko.  
  
"Uh...sure!" replied Tidus, of the mind that if he let Clasko in, the pot would be that much bigger. Lulu and Kimahri were both watching, and neither of them seemed to have any objections. "But every place seems to be pretty much taken."  
  
Clasko thought about this for a few moments. "That's ok," he said happily. "Has anyone taken on chocobo-back yet?" Lulu had her hand over her mouth and the look on her face was suspiciously similar to one fighting back hysterical laughter. She was turning red and there were purple blotches appearing on her cheeks. Tidus doubted it was from the cold.  
  
"Um, no. So you've got it now!" Tidus was eager to close the deal and be left alone. He and Clasko quickly shook hands and he scooted inside. Clasko was wandering in Lulu's direction. Lulu was trying to make a getaway without *looking* like she was trying to make a getaway. It wasn't working.  
  
"That Tidus is such a nice guy! He gave me a great career tip and..." Poor Lulu, thought Kimahri, who was hiding behind the chocobo corral. (AN: You Better You Bet's playing on my CD right now! Love that song!)  
  
***  
  
When Tidus entered the travel agency, he went over to Yuna, who was looking pale and a little upset. Determined not to bring up Seymour, he filled her in on the Clasko situation.  
  
"On chocobo-back?!" Yuna exclaimed, very loudly. Unfortunately, Rikku, who was just walking into the lobby, heard her. She bounced over.  
  
"What about on chocobo-back? What's going on, Yunie?" Her large, spiraled eyes were bright with curiosity. Think fast, think fast...  
  
"Seymour! He...uh...wants the wedding to be on chocobo-back!" Tidus was certainly thinking on his feet today. Yuna rolled her eyes.  
  
"That's...um...nice," said Rikku. "Very...original...yeah."  
  
"It's the next big thing," Yuna added. "If we do it, then everyone in Spira will too. I uh...think it's...uh...romantic. Seymour...likes chocobos. He said he'd be breeding them in he wasn't a Maester." If Tidus and Yuna dug themselves any deeper, they would need forbidden machina, namely a backhoe, to get them out of the hole they were in.  
  
Rikku was busy trying to imagine Seymour riding a chocobo. She privately thought the chocobo would be very likely to run in terror when it set eyes on him.  
  
***  
  
Rikku had wandered off. Yuna turned to Tidus with fire in her eyes.  
  
"Married on chocobo-back?! I'll show you married on chocobo-back! That was the worst excuse I've ever heard!" Then she blushed and put her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said quickly (AN: with her voice actress effectively mangling the words), bowing. She then ran off, leaving Tidus standing there, shocked by her outburst. Meanwhile, Clasko had just walked in.  
  
"Married on chocobo-back? That's the best idea I've ever heard!"  
  
***  
  
They left the travel agency shortly after Yuna's outburst. Rikku was watching Yuna walk away when she smelled something on the wind. It was unmistakable, a smell she remembered with her childhood and would always associate with Home. It was the smell of the oil the Al Bhed used on machina.  
  
She felt detached as she watched the speeders close in from all directions. She saw the drivers, recognized several of them. She didn't want to admit her relationship to them, but she saw no choice. She was a guardian now, first and foremost. She jumped up and started screaming at them in Al Bhed.  
  
Auron watched this, and listened to what Rikku was saying. He had known Al Bhed for quite some time, but rarely used it. He was quite annoyed with Rikku for knowing these people, though he knew that wasn't really fair to her. He decided he would have a talk with her about it once Yuna was rescued. But for now, they had to fight.  
  
***  
  
Insert one of the battle play-by-plays that *so* irritate Mignonne, who refuses to write one, here. We've all played the game. This was an annoying boss, anyway.  
  
***  
  
They had won easily. Though the encounter had lead to some uncomfortable moments between Rikku and Wakka, crisis had been averted and neither had killed the other. Auron was glad, especially because he hadn't needed to step in to resolve the conflict. The irritation that was currently directed at Rikku was irrational and he knew it. She evoked some kind of strange emotion in him, and he felt he had to be careful not to let his actions toward her reflect that.   
  
After Wakka balked at using the Al Bhed speeders, they all mounted up. Auron was careful to get on the same one as Rikku (which was noticed by all the others). She looked very excited to be using the speeders.   
  
"You driving?" he asked mildly.  
  
Rikku made no reply, merely grinning at him and putting the goggles around her neck over her eyes. Auron got the feeling he was in for it. Rikku brought the speeder to life, cackling merrily. She was clearly now at ease with him.  
  
The speeder suddenly jumped into motion, the unexpected movement causing Auron to grab onto Rikku. Of course, if he hadn't grabbed on, he would have fallen off, so he really had no control over where his hands landed. The speeder stopped just as suddenly as it had started. Rikku turned slowly around in her seat, removing her goggles. The look she gave him was *very* hurt, and made Auron's heart clench (a feeling which he quickly squashed).  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. You started the speeder so quickly, I nearly fell off. I was just trying to stay on."  
  
Rikku said nothing, but her eyes were brimming with tears. Auron wondered what her reaction would have been if it had been Wakka or Tidus. He decided she probably would have slapped either of them. He wasn't sure if this reaction was better or worse. Rikku's hands were covering her violated chest protectively and she was trembling. Auron felt *really* bad now.   
  
"Please Rikku. I'm so sorry." Rikku, for her part, was surprised at the sheer number of times he had apologized, and the earnest tone his voice had taken. "Please," he repeated again, a pleading look in his eye. She decided she believed him when he said it was an accident.  
  
"Ok!" she said, smiling brightly at him.  
  
They repositioned themselves on the speeder again, with Auron being *very* careful to keep his hands on the equator rather than in the northern hemisphere again. Rikku gunned the motor happily, tossing back an ecstatic smile.  
  
"Is that really necessary?" asked Auron. Her pep was beginning to wear on him. Apparently, it was wearing on the speeder as well, and the engine gave a cough and finally died. Rikku peeked over the top of the handlebars, studying the engine and attempting to diagnose the problem. Suddenly, the engine let loose a huge burst of dirty steam. Rikku picked her head up and removed her goggles, and Auron had to laugh at the look on her face, which was completely covered in soot aside from where the goggles had been positioned. She glared at him and set to work on the engine.  
  
Auron got off the speeder and looked for a place to sit, a non-existent commodity in the snow covered waste. Unless, of course, you were wearing waterproof pants or wanted to get your ass wet. Auron was in neither boat. So he stood.  
  
***  
  
"How much longer?" he asked, eventually.  
  
"Good question," was the reply. Auron silently prayed that Rikku would be able to fix the problem, as he didn't want to end up walking. He really wasn't in a walking mood today.  
  
***  
  
After watching Rikku work busily for a good period of time, Auron decided to broach the subject of their earlier assailants.   
  
"So, those people, did you know them?" he asked casually, careful not to let the annoyance that this accident had only served to amplify. He had gotten the impression that she did know them, and perhaps very well. He knew he had heard the word brother used, but he wasn't sure if it had been a name or a title. Rikku's reply removed any doubts.  
  
"Well, some of them were my friends, one I didn't know, and one...was my brother." She peered at him nervously, as if afraid of his reaction.  
  
"Yet you fought anyway," was his only remark.  
  
"Yeah. Yunie's my first priority, you know? I'm her guardian, so *her* safety's the most important thing." She smiled at him. "I learned that from you."  
  
"You fought well," he said simply. Rikku just smiled wider. Somehow, that comment meant more coming from him than it would from anyone else.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, their companions wondered what was going on. They were quite afraid that O'aka would win, right there and then. Auron and Rikku had been gone for quite some time and for no apparent reason.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Tidus.  
  
"Don't you mean, who's getting it on?" deadpanned Lulu.  
  
They considered going after the wayward duo, but decided against it, on the possibility that Yuna might need them before they returned. Which meant all they could do was wait.  
  
***  
  
Rikku had finally fixed the speeder. She had done it using only what she had on had, namely all her hairpins and Auron wielding the hilt of his massive sword as a hammer. It had been no easy task, especially after she had taken her hair down to use the pins. Auron had needed to hold it out of her face while she worked. While he was doing so, he did his best *not* to think about how soft it was and how good it smelled. The speeder itself wasn't in very good working order. The repairs that were really necessary were not possible without new parts. But it would service, at least until they got to the temple.  
  
They both mounted up yet again. Rikku's hair was still loose around her shoulders. She carefully started the speeder again, and they moved off. It actually attained a fairly high speed, considering what it had been through. Rikku's hair was blown back behind her and right into Auron's face. She idly thought about how long it was going to take her to untangle, but let herself become absorbed by the thrill of driving.  
  
Auron, for his part, was *covered* in blonde hair. It was in his collar, it was on his face, and it was in his mouth. It was pretty much *everywhere*. And it smelled wonderful. He could have screamed. Instead, he settled for sitting back and waiting for the ride to be over.  
  
When they reached the temple doors, they were bombarded with questions.  
  
"Where have you guys been?" asked Tidus.  
  
"Our speeder broke and I was fixing it," chirped Rikku in reply. True to her statement, the speeder omitted a strangled cough and died, this time irreparably. Her response seemed to satisfy the others.  
  
"You're ok, ya?" asked Wakka.  
  
Auron's only reply was to open his mouth and remove a strand of long blonde hair from it. Rikku unconsciously put a hand up to smooth what of it remained on her head. They turned and headed in to face Seymour.  
_________________________________________________________  
  
Please, just try to picture the ceremony in Bevelle with chocobos involved. Seriously. If Seymour in the fag hat (no offense intended, if any of you are gay...I *love* gay guys! Behind every fashionable woman, there's a fashionable gay man!) wasn't funny enough, picture him in his dress, on a chocobo. He seems like the sidesaddle type to me. And if any of you are Clasko fans...sorry...about your bad taste, ha ha. I have a feeling that there are about as many Clasko fans as there are Shelinda fans, somehow... Maybe I'll bash *her* in a future chapter. No, I'll *definitely* bash her in a future chapter. Uh oh...I have an idea...  
  
If anyone cares, those tests I took Friday...I failed two out of the three. Oops.  
  
I wrote about 600 words of this on my Palm Pilot during dress rehearsal tonight. Of course, when I synchronized my data between my hard drive and my Palm, it all got erased. So I had to write it again. I nearly cried. Aaaahhhh!!!  
  
The next few days may be pretty light on updates, for which I apologize. I have a performance every night through Sunday, so I'm going to be short on time. We'll see how much gets written *during* the show...like I said before, lots of downtime. I'll do my best, I promise!  
  
Ok, you guys are doing pretty well with the reviewing thing. So keep it up, ok?! It inspires me to see so many reviews. (Mignonne cracks big, scary review NOW whip.) Help combat writer's block and tell me what you think!!! 


	8. Fakin' It

I wrote part of this in Physics class (surprise, surprise). We had a guest speaker on aeronautics and the physics of flight. He was demonstrating by throwing Frisbees and drink coasters. Now, I was sitting in the back row, looking down at my Palm, not really paying attention to what was going on at that moment. He threw a coaster. I didn't even see it coming. I swear, I now have an honest-to-god *welt* on my forehead.  
  
You might have noticed that I totally circumvent all that happens in the game. This is partially because you all know what happens and partially because I'm too lazy to transcribe dialogue.  
  
Once and a while, Tidus makes a face that causes him to look like a duck.  
  
If I hear the songs: I'll Know, Bushel and a Peck, Adelaide's Lament, Guys and Dolls, or Sue Me one more time, I *will* kill someone. I really will. And we still have three more performances to go.   
  
The guy playing Benny...he's a midget (well not really...but he's shorter than I am and I'm only 5'5"), he's wearing a bright yellow suit with vertical black stripes (scary!), and his dad's name is Seymour(!). And he smirks when delivering all his jokes, which effectively kills every single one of them.  
  
Exactly one week from the moment I'm writing this, I will be arriving in Seattle for spring break (we're driving up to Whistler, BC). If it were not for that, I think I would go insane.  
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Auron could not keep his mind off of the many aspects of Rikku. First and foremost were her breasts. He could not forget how they had felt under his hands. Next was her hair. It was long and golden and silky and smelled wonderful and Auron could have thought of a plethora of adjectives to describe its radiant beauty. Then there were her eyes, and her nose, and her mouth...but his thoughts always seemed to return to her breasts. He was ashamed of the fact that he was thinking these things about her. 'Dirty old man,' Auron thought to himself, 'stop that!'  
  
***  
  
Rikku had thought she hated Seymour before, but that was nothing compared to how she felt now.   
  
As they entered the temple, she had been thrilled by Auron springing to her defense. Of all the people to judge, the Guado were in no position to. They should know how much it hurt to be on the receiving end.   
  
She and Auron were growing closer, despite his original outright rejection every time she had tried to talk to him. But it was odd; she had noticed he grew...colder towards her when the others were around. Though, of late, he didn't seem to be in much of a talking mood.  
  
Rikku couldn't believe what had transpired in such a short period of time. What would happen to them now that they had killed a Maester? Not that Seymour hadn't completely asked for it. It was a case of kill or be killed. He had pretty much told them to rip him a new one. And they had.   
  
The escape from the temple had been harrowing at best, with the ensuing battle being quite difficult for the tired bunch.  
  
So now they were trapped under the ice. Which was not a very good position to be in. And Rikku was still freezing. And soggy to boot.  
  
She wandered through the debris, looking for a place to rest. They were all tired, but their troubles were clearly far from over. First and foremost, in Rikku's mind at least, was the Yuna issue. Rikku wanted nothing more than for her cousin to give up her pilgrimage. That was looking less and less likely the farther they progressed.  
  
Rikku found a seat, albeit a makeshift one, and sat, pulling her legs out of the water. She was still mulling over all that had and would happen when Yuna wandered over. She sat next to Rikku, shaking her head.  
  
"I feel so bad for bringing you all into this."  
  
Rikku grinned at her. "We're your guardians. It's our job to get you out of any messes you make. Even Wakka realized what needed to be done."  
  
"I want to apologize anyway. So, I'm sorry, Rikku."  
  
"Apology accepted." Rikku paused. "I guess the chocobo thing is off then?" Yuna giggled.  
  
"Thank Yevon."   
  
Yuna was wondering what Rikku would have thought had the wedding taken place and *not* been on chocobo. Rikku thought about toasters as she watched something that looked like one float past.  
  
***  
  
Wakka and Tidus were discussing the state of affairs pertaining to the pool.   
  
"What do you think happened with the speeder thing?" asked Tidus.  
  
"I dunno," replied Wakka, "but he did pull that hair out of his mouth."  
  
Tidus's eyes widened. "You don't think that hair was from h-"  
  
Wakka cut him off quickly, before he could finish the statement. "No, it was too long, ya?" (AN: In physics again, and the kid next to me- one empty seat between us- is writing out multiple checks...weird, no?)  
  
Tidus thought about the minimal experience with the female species that his time playing for the Abes had provided. He had to play it cool.  
  
"I know that! Remember, I *was* the star player for the Zanarkand Abes. So maybe he...kissed her head while on the speeder?" Tidus suggested. Poor Tidus. He might have been a star player, but he certainly hadn't managed star *playa*. (AN: Yo, Yo, Yo! This here's pimp daddy Tidus and his ladies...)  
  
"Or maybe her hair got blown back in his face when they were moving," said Auron. Tidus and Wakka nodded dumbly, then realized who had spoken.  
  
"Ahh...Auron...we were talking about...uhh..." Tidus's usual talent for getting himself into deeper trouble was certainly apparent. Auron's gaze was unrelenting. Tidus and Wakka both shifted uncomfortably like small children caught with Play-do in their mouths.  
  
"Tidus?"  
  
"Yeah?" he replied in a very small voice that was threatening to jump up yet another octave.  
  
"Shut up. I know what you were talking about. Why is it you think that something happened?"  
  
Tidus was afraid his answer would give it all away.   
  
"Uh...you guys just disappeared..."   
  
Wakka was relieved that he wasn't the one being grilled. He attempted to sidle out of the line of fire completely, but Auron wasn't about to let that happen. He turned his gaze on Wakka, who cowered.   
  
"You two are looking way too far into things. I don't want to hear it again." Having said this, Auron spun on his heel and strode off.  
  
When he was out of hearing distance, Tidus and Wakka collectively let out the breath they had unconsciously been holding.   
  
"He doesn't know, ya?"  
  
"I hope not." Tidus was afraid Lulu would find out about their indiscretion. That new moogle of hers scared the crap out of him.  
  
***  
  
Rikku had gone from very cold to very warm in a very short period of time. She sat in the bright sunlight, quite comfortable in her brief attire, which was well suited to the blistering heat of Bikanel Island. Just as long as she was careful not to stay in the sun too long; then she looked like overcooked lobster. She idly wondered where the others were, especially Auron. She hoped he was here and *very* uncomfortable in his heavy jacket. She was still mad at him for the comment he had made about her clothes (or lack thereof...).  
  
She was also very worried about Yunie. She hoped they hadn't *all* been separated. But then she saw a sight that dismayed her in a very major way. It was everyone *but* Yuna coming over the dune and walking in her direction. She hoped that some of her fellow Al Bhed had picked poor Yunie up. She hoped this didn't mean that they had failed as guardians. She stood and waved, then ran over to them. She was happy to note that from what she could see of Auron's face, he looked quite uncomfortable. Sweat trickled down his brow. Rikku smiled nastily.  
  
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Not the longest chapter I've written, not by a long shot. I had a few days in which I was just way too tired to think, let alone write something funny. So I went to bed at nine o'clock last night. Usually I go to bed at two in the morning, so that made a huge difference in how I felt today. The next chapter will be longer, I promise.  
  
I wrote part of this listening to Herb Albert. The Spanish Flea is just too great. If I could do it over, I'd play the trumpet rather than the flute.  
  
As always, reviews are good! So leave them! I *love* people who leave reviews (especially if it's every chapter!), so those of you who have should feel good about yourselves. Those of you who haven't reviewed should feel bad. Cause you suck major ass, really you do. All you guys can feel free to IM me or drop me a line. I'd like that too. ^_^ 


	9. If I had a Million Gil

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm having a *SUPER* day today! Not only am I playing hooky...again, cause I'm a bad girl, but I GOT INTO COLLEGE!!! YES!!! My second choice, but not by much...I mean, I only applied to two schools. Which had me worried, what if I hadn't gotten accepted to either? Oh, but that's no longer a problem! Yay! I'm so excited I can barely type!  
  
Phew, the musical's over. You guys have *no* idea how excited I am over that! Hopefully, this means I'll have more time to write!  
  
Whee! I got a haircut! It's all shoulder-length with little chunky layers now, feels so weird. That's a lot shorter than it was before! Cutting it all off made my stylist so sad. I hadn't gotten it cut since October (I'm a busy, busy girl, no time for haircuts!) and my complete and utter lack of split ends impressed her.  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
Auron watched Rikku. After wandering aimlessly in the desert for sometime, they had found her sitting in the shade of one of the tent-like Al Bhed structures. They had then, in his opinion, wandered aimlessly some more, while Rikku swore up and down she knew where they were going. He was quite sure they had come upon the Al Bhed home through sheer luck rather than because of Rikku's innate sense of direction. And now they were there, and Auron was all but kicking himself over the fact that *he* almost felt like crying every time he looked at Rikku. As much as he tried to resist, he was actually becoming quite fond of the little Al Bhed girl. Damn, he would need a drink later.   
  
***  
  
Rikku didn't think she could handle seeing one more person she cared about dead or dying. She thought about Yuna, and tried to be strong, if only for Yunie's sake. She told herself that again and again, but it became harder and harder to take to heart every time she saw another body. 'But at least none of them had been Yunie,' she told herself. Damn those Guado!   
  
Auron, on the other hand, was very impressed, as the self-control Rikku was employing was something he hadn't thought she would have been capable of. This experience couldn't be an easy one for her, but she had managed not to lose it. She seemed almost too calm. He had a feeling that she would pop at some point. He just hoped that they would find Yuna first.  
  
They wandered through the Al Bhed home, opening chests and pausing occasionally to fight the Guado and the fiends they had brought with them. Poor Rikku seemed distracted; she certainly wasn't fighting her best today. Not that anyone could blame her for it.  
  
When Rikku threw herself on Wakka, crying, Auron felt a surge of jealousy. He wanted to be the one holding and comforting her. But then he thought back to the conversation he had had with Wakka and Tidus. No, it was probably best if she did *not* throw herself on top of him. In public anyway. Not that he wouldn't have enjoyed it if she had. But he would have had to deal with those "knowing" winks from the others, and he really didn't feel like it.   
  
***  
  
Rikku wished she hadn't had to be the one to tell Tidus about what would happen at the end of Yuna's pilgrimage. Poor guy. And Yunie's absence from the Summoner's Sanctum had just made things that much worse. Tidus was getting more and more worked up about Yuna. Though, truth be told, he wasn't the only one that was nervous. They were on the airship, and they were all a little jumpy.  
  
Rikku, after talking to the others, wandered toward the back of the ship, looking for a place to lie down. Finding one, she did so, and was just about asleep when she heard the door open. She sat up, about to yell at whomever it was for disturbing her privacy and nap. But it was Auron, so whatever it was she meant to say got swallowed.  
  
"Hello," he said, walking over to sit down. In the darkened room, she couldn't see much, and wondered how he could.  
  
"Hi..."  
  
"I don't mean to disturb your rest, but I wanted to tell you that I think you handled yourself very well down there, considering."  
  
"Considering that most of the people I knew and grew up with are dead?"  
  
"I'm sorry Rikku. Believe it or not, I know how you feel. When Jecht and Braska died..." Rikku was startled. Auron had never volunteered information about himself before. In fact, she had thought it an impossible task to actually learn anything at all from him. She smiled at him, her first since home had been destroyed, though he couldn't see it in the dark.  
  
"No...I think it must have been worse for you. Cause I have all of you guys to cheer me up. I know I'm not alone, you know?" Auron put a large hand on Rikku's small shoulder, squeezing it gently.  
  
"I'm glad you know that." He stood up and moved to leave, then turned. "We don't have long until we reach Bevelle. Rest up, as I have a feeling you'll need your strength." He left the room without a sound, gently closing the door behind him. Rikku sighed softly, then lay down again, drifting off into sleep.  
  
***  
  
Of course, the others, over-analytical as they were, did not fail to notice the mysterious absence of the pair.  
  
"Uh oh!" said Tidus, twitching his eyebrows and looking much like he had a nervous tic. "I wonder where those too are off to. A nice, secluded room in the back of the ship?" Lulu looked at him.  
  
"But no one has the airship, do they?" she asked.  
  
"No," said Wakka.  
  
"In that case, I think I should get it. The Thunder Plains weren't very fair. They got no time alone and they barely knew each other!"  
  
"No way!" protested Tidus. "You chose the Thunder Plains! And you were the first person to call a location."  
  
"Uh, sorry Tidus, but you got Zanarkand before anyone else made a decision." Wakka pointed out hesitantly. Tidus gave him a blank and dirty look. Lulu smiled smugly. "But still, Lulu chose before the rest of us. She picked the Thunder Plains. So she can't have the airship. It wouldn't be fair, ya?" Lulu pouted.  
  
"Well someone should have the airship! It's a prime location!"  
  
"I should," said Rin, who had wandered over, smoothly. "It is an Al Bhed location, of course."  
  
"But not a Travel Agency, which is what you specifically claimed," said Lulu angrily. "So you *can't* have it!" She was certainly a sore loser.  
  
"So then what do we do about it?" asked Wakka. They thought for several minutes.  
  
"Uh..." said Tidus, "make sure nothing happens while we're here?"  
  
"I guess that works," said Wakka.  
  
"Babysitting again?" asked Lulu. "If so, count me out. I've had it with this stupid pool!" With that, she stormed off.  
  
Kimahri, who had been standing there silently all along, finally spoke. "Maybe someone baby-sit angry Lulu."  
  
"Not me, ya?" said Wakka. He certainly didn't want to deal with the angry mage.  
  
"No way!" said Tidus. "I don't think she likes me very much."  
  
"Not Kimahri problem."  
  
Rin backed away from the group nervously. "She'll be *fine* on her own."  
  
"But what do we do about the time we have on the airship?" At that time, Brother wandered over (AN: Let's all just forget for the moment that he's driving. Maybe he astral projects...yeah...).  
  
"What *about* the airship?" he asked. The others wondered if they should fill him in. This could ruin everything or up the ante even farther. So Tidus went for it.  
  
"We're having a betting pool."  
  
"Involving what?"  
  
"Sir Auron and your sister...uh...kissing," said Wakka, smoothing the top of his head nervously.  
  
"Ah. And you did not factor in the airship previously? How much to enter? I think I'd like to. I'm always open to earning more gil, especially now that we have to rebuild our home."  
  
So they filled him in. The pot was up to nine thousand gil. The stakes were high. What would happen now?  
  
***  
  
Auron returned to the cockpit several minutes later. The bettors were luckily no longer discussing the pool. Tidus was curious as to where Auron had been, however. He wandered over.  
  
"Hey, uh, Auron. How ya doin'?"  
  
Auron made no reply, but glared menacingly at Tidus. This did not put off Tidus, who knew him well.  
  
"Where'd you go? And uh, have you seen Rikku? She disappeared a little while ago, and we want to let her know we're, um, near Bevelle." Not the best excuse he had ever come up with, especially because the loud intercom system in the ship made it quite clear to *everyone* where they were.   
  
Auron glared. "Why don't you mind your own business and keep your nose out of mine? What I do on my own time is none of your concern." Topic of conversation successfully *closed*. Auron strode away, looking for a place to do some drinking. The attack they were about to make on Bevelle would be completely stupid, and he wanted to get rid of the little voice in his head telling him it would be a bad idea.  
  
Tidus sulked. No one ever told him anything. It never occurred to him that that was probably because he was completely unable to hold his tongue.  
  
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Hope you guys enjoyed this one. A little short, and about half of it definitely wasn't even supposed to be remotely funny. But it's setting up for some good chapters. As always, review! Thanks to those who do (especially the people who do every chapter...you guys rock!). I'm leaving for Seattle/Whistler, BC to ski during spring break (finally!) on Thursday and I hope to get one more chapter out before then. And of course, lots of reviews will help inspire me to do so... 


	10. Tequila! Even though here it's sake!

So I've been skiing all week. It was one kick-ass trip. On Wednesday, there was new snow...knee deep powder. It was totally epic. Much of this chapter was inspired by it. Especially the drunkenness - and no, I stayed sober. I view drinking as a recreational activity, not a sport. I guess I'm one of the few that actually enjoy the taste of alcohol, so I don't drink with getting drunk in mind. Besides, I have a crazy alcohol tolerance for someone my size. So I consumed quite a bit. But damn, BC people know how to party!  
  
You guys know what's really funny? The Wiggles. A bunch of middle-aged British men that sing about things like making fruit salad. I want to kidnap them and keep them in my closet to bring out for laughs.  
  
Today, I saw two pieces of feline roadkill while driving in my car. So sad!  
  
I've decided the trip from Home to Bevelle takes a *very* long time. So there.  
  
My shirt's got a beaver on it. Yeah Roots!  
  
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Auron awoke some time later with another splitting headache. Why was he getting so many lately? He sat up slowly, running his hand through his gray- streaked hair. Though logic and experience told him that alcohol wouldn't help his headache at all, he began to reach for his flask. Good thing he had just gotten that refill. He idly wondered how much he had imbibed. Unfortunately, his question would go permanently unanswered.  
  
His flask was missing from his side. He gave the room a cursory glance, wondering what had happened to the smooth metal cylinder that contained much of his reason for living. 'Yevon help me...I sound like Jecht,' he thought.  
  
He stood slowly, massaging his temples as he thought back, though the pain he was in dulled his mind and senses. He tried to remember the events as they had occurred. He had been talking to the others in the cockpit and they, as always, had been incredibly nosy. It annoyed him that they were so obsessed with the idea of him and Rikku as an item. They wouldn't leave him alone about it. The two of them as a couple was ludicrous. She was only a child, albeit one he was admittedly *very* attracted to. Pursuing a relationship just felt...wrong to him, although if things continued the way they were, he probably wouldn't have much choice in the matter. Rikku tended to be just as pushy as the others, especially when it comes to relationships.  
  
And after all that thinking about Rikku, he really needed a drink. He continued thinking back. After that, he was fairly certain he had gone straight to his present location for the purpose of inebriation. Since he was fairly certain he had attained his goal, the flask should have been present and accounted for.  
  
After assuring that the flask was nowhere to be found, at least within his room, he set off to look for it. He wandered through the ship, heading toward the cockpit. He didn't think he had left it there, but it wouldn't hurt to check.  
  
Of course, it wasn't there. So he continued to scour the ship. He retraced his steps, but found nothing. He wondered if he was going insane. He wandered aimlessly for about an hour, alone with his thoughts and becoming more and more anxious to disembark by the minute. That, or find his damn flask.  
  
He was about to give up his search and attempt to sleep off his hangover when he heard a burp. A loud one. Its source seemed to be from through a door he hadn't noticed prior to that moment. The burp was followed by giggling of a high-pitched variety. At this point, Auron was fairly sure he knew who it was. And he also had his suspicions involving the whereabouts of his flask.  
  
Auron opened the door and saw it lead to a stairwell, though he was unable to discern its occupant. He did, however, smell sake (AN: Or *whatever* it is he drinks...) quite distinctly wafting up toward him. He entered the stairwell and descended a flight of stairs. Upon reaching the bottom, his suspicions were confirmed.  
  
Rikku sat propped against the wall, the flask laying near her and looking suspiciously empty. She looked up at him and giggled, her head swaying slightly and her eyes not focusing.  
  
"He he...I like sake. It's goooood," she said, slurring her words together drunkenly. "Want more, but...all gone!" She smiled at him. "Auron's got good drinks." Auron looked down on her, disbelief etched across his  
  
face.  
  
"What *are* you doing?" he asked her.  
  
"Drinking," she replied, despite the fact that the question was clearly rhetorical. Auron just glared at her as he leaned over to pick up his flask. It *was* completely empty, which was a bad sign. A very bad sign indeed.  
  
***  
  
Talking to a sober Rikku was typically like talking to a wall. Talking to Drunk Rikku...well, it was like taking that wall and ramming your head into it. Repeatedly. Her replies to just about anything Auron said were a) to giggle b) "Sake is gooood" or c) "All gone." Auron quickly decided that this conversation was going nowhere. Ramming your head against a brick wall was seriously lacking in the fun and games department, especially with a hangover involved (AN: And hasn't poor Auron been abused enough in this fic? At least for another couple of chapters...). He decided to bring Drunk Rikku up to her room and keep her away from any more alcohol. He hoisted her up so she was standing with one arm stretched over his shoulders. It was probably uncomfortable for her due to the major difference in height, but Auron was so irritated at the fact that she had consumed all his sake that he didn't much care.  
  
He dragged her up the stairs; in her drunken state she was pretty much a lump of dead weight. She was still giggling and the noise was really beginning to grate on Auron's ears. He sincerely hoped that Cid would not find them in this awkward position. It wasn't very becoming for either party involved. And just then, Tidus wandered by. His eyes widened at the sight of Drunk Rikku. Drunk Rikku giggled.  
  
"Tidus! Are you drunk?" she asked in a sing-song tone while wrinkling her nose. Tidus looked rather dumbfounded.  
  
"Um...no," was his reply.  
  
"Then get drunk! It's fun!" She was squirming in Auron's grasp and he was beginning to loose his grip. He heaved her up again so she didn't end up lying on the floor. Her head lolled to the side. In short, she was completely and totally (AN: Sorry...no other way to say this) *fucking wasted*. And it was not a pretty sight. Auron had a feeling things were gonna get worse.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Tidus asked Auron.  
  
"Just. Don't. Ask." And Auron dragged her off down the hall.  
  
***  
  
Tidus was torn. To follow, or to report his discovery to the others. Both options were tempting. He couldn't decide. So he ran back to the cockpit, where he found Yuna (ha ha...April Fools! So what if it was yesterday? God, I'm lame.), Kimahri, Wakka, and Lulu. He ran over to them, skidding across the slick floor and crashing into a display panel when he was unable to stop. He picked himself up.  
  
"Rikku," he panted, "with Auron...*drunk*. Went...that way..." He pointed down the hall. The others exchanged a quick glance and then took off in that direction.  
  
***  
  
Auron had completely lost patience with Drunk Rikku. He just didn't feel like dragging her anymore. So he hoisted her up and threw her over his shoulder. She squirmed violently, fighting his grip.  
  
"Lemme go! Or I'll throw a brick at you!"  
  
Somehow, her threat went ignored, probably because there were no bricks on the ship (Auron knew, cause he looked *all* over). He didn't loosen his hold on her at all, so she eventually stopped, flopping against his back. And she felt her stomach gurgle.  
  
It's pretty well known that what goes up must come down. And poor Drunk Rikku was in a position that lead to things, well, coming down. A small person cannot drink a large flask of sake without consequences. And Rikku discovered she had a fairly low alcohol tolerance. So did Auron. The hard way.  
  
"I don't feel so..." Drunk Rikku's statement was cut off by the eruption of the contents of her stomach through her mouth. Most of it ended up on the back of Auron's jacket. It was not a pretty sight at all.  
  
"Ugh...Couldn't you have mentioned you didn't feel well?"  
  
"Oopsies. Sorry. Didn't mean to."  
  
Auron was not amused. And his jacket was disgusting, leaving him little choice.  
  
***  
  
"Look!" exclaimed Tidus, "Auron's taking his clothes off." Brother, who had followed them out of the cockpit, did not look amused.  
  
"He better not try anything with my sister while she's like this! I'll kill him." Brother studied the swordsman's broad shoulders and rippling muscles, now revealed to sight. He realized he really didn't want to mess with Auron. "I'll, uh, tell my father! He'll kill the guy!"  
  
"We won't let anything happen, ya?" said Wakka. "I dun care what Sir Auron does to me! We can't let him hurt Rikku!"  
  
"Kimahri don't think Sir Auron type of person who take advantage of Drunk Rikku."  
  
They continued watching.  
  
***  
  
Unfortunately for the observers, nothing vaguely exciting happened (AN: Cause I have five minutes until I have to get back to school and feel bad that I haven't posted in two weeks.). Auron put Drunk Rikku to bed and thankfully, she immediately fell asleep.  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
Great ending, I know. I'm sorry bout that, but I felt bad *not* putting anything up, and I've really got to go...I'm late as it is.  
  
Review! I'm so paranoid, seriously. Every chapter I'm convinced I'm no longer funny. And I take a lack of reviews as a sign that I'm not. I know, I have plenty, but please, if you have any constructive criticism, I'd love it. And besides...so close to that 100 review mark! 


	11. Living in the Past

Glad you guys liked my authentic drunk people quotes in the last chapter. Many of Drunk Rikku's utterances (namely the bit with the brick and the Get drunk!) were things from the mouths of real live drunk people I encountered on my adventures at Whistler. There were some that unfortunately could not be incorporated into the Final Fantasy X realm. For example, when we got the MIT students standing outside the liquor store to boot (buy alcohol) for us, a funny conversation ensued. One of my Canadian (Vancouverite, specifically) friends (he was piss drunk at the time) didn't think they looked like typical MIT students.

MIT dude: Well, then what do you think a typical MIT student looks like?

Drunk friend: As-aaahh...

Another of my friends: You *don't* want to answer that one.

Mignonne: Wow! You guys are old enough to buy alcohol, and you're only a year older than me! 

I went to the Japanese grocery in Edgewater (right by the George Washington Bridge) on Sunday. That jaunt was just part of the FOUR HUNDRED PLUS MILES I drove in the 48 hour period from Friday night to Sunday night. Absolutely crazy. I spent $30 on Japanese junk food, including lots of those yummy gummy candies and Giant Pocky (which is soo neat...about finger width and the length of my forearm). The grocery itself (which also contains a neat cafeteria) is off of a parking lot, and on the other side are a bookstore, stationer, toy store, and other assorted shops. I was *very* disappointed at the lack of FFX paraphernalia. I did, however, find some small posters (about the size of two sheets of normal paper). So now Auron and Rikku are over my bed. Rikku is looking at Auron, strangely, and Auron is...glaring at me. Which is *really* eerie. It's a couple of shots of him on one poster, but they're all from the FMV of him in the Luca blitzball stadium, when he whips that arm out and fights that fiend. So the look he gives the fiend...yeah, I get it every time I lay down on my bed. Hell yeah. Oh, Tidus and Yuna are on the other side of the room, right above my Hello Kitty calendar. Hello April! Grr...can't wait for summer!

I'm sick of all those stories that make the high priest's daughter out to be a gorgeous, brilliant, and manipulative bitch. So this is *my* take on it.

Sorry about the long and mostly irrelevant author's note. So, without further ado...

_________________________________________________________

Drunk Rikku was sleeping peacefully. Auron sincerely doubted that she'd feel quite so nice when she woke up, however. He had placed her gently on the bed and was turning to leave when he heard the door close with a slight click. He stepped quietly over to the now shut exit and began to examine the panel that opened and shut the door. There was a button that said 'Ubah' (Open) and one that said 'Lmuca' (Close). It was fortunate that Auron was fluent in Al Bhed. He pushed the button that said open. The door remained motionless. He pushed it again. And again. And again. And then muttered something that, if printed, would up the rating of this story.

The panel had a small display. Which, luckily enough, was now blinking 'Mulgat' (Locked). He smacked the panel with an open hand. It continued to blink 'Mulgat.' He hit it again, a punch this time, simultaneously kicking the door for good measure. This was *not* at all amusing.

***

Brother smirked evilly. No way he was gonna lose this one. He had arranged things so that there was no way for Auron or Rikku to escape until lip-locking action occurred. Not only had he locked the door, but he had entered in a special pilot's code that only he could override, rendering the duo helpless and unable to escape until he allowed it. He had also set up a surveillance camera in the room. When it happened, and it would, the moment would be caught on video, so his victory could be played back repeatedly for all to see. 

He was flying the ship in large lazy loops across Spira so as to give them all the time they needed. He sat tensely in his chair, so as to give the impression of the vigilant pilot. Of course, he was entirely vigilant, but not in respect to his piloting duties. 

Tidus wandered over to him.

"Go away," Brother snapped in Al Bhed (which he knew Tidus didn't understand). "Can't you see I'm flying?"

Stupidly, Tidus wandered away. It was unfortunate that he knew nothing about the flying of aircraft, or he might have realized that Bevelle was in the opposite direction of their current course. So he wandered back to talk to the others.

***

Meanwhile, Auron was still physically abusing the door, but to no avail. There was a chair by the edge of the bed, and eventually he gave in and sat down. So someone had locked him in. He would have considered the possibility of an accident had it not been for all the comments made about Rikku and him in the last few days. Of course, she was asleep and therefore in no position to help with anything. So Auron was left alone with his thoughts, which wandered to the last time he had been forced to spend time with a woman.

~~~

__

He had been sitting in the temple with Kinoc, his good friend. They had just finished a training session and were eager to make the most of their brief free time. Which was, inevitably, cut short by the arrival of one high priest. One high priest with a daughter in tow. 

Auron had heard about the girl before. It was said that she had been spoiled beyond belief upon the death of her mother. She had been eight at the time, and apparently, at the age of eighteen had become an absolute monster. If nothing else, she certainly looked the part. 

She stood about a foot shorter than Auron did, but easily weighed more than him. Her hair was stringy and blonde and her beady eyes were a runny blue color. She was dressed in a gown that was quite unflattering, though it was hard to imagine something that *would* be flattering on a person of her proportions. But the low cut and revealing neckline were quite unnecessary, especially due to the rolls of fat on and below her neck. Her fully revealed arms were no better. Auron was just thankful that the gown was long.

The high priest made his way over to the warrior monk. 

"Auron, would you be able to escort my daughter to dinner this evening, show her a good time?" he asked, knowing that the man had no choice in the matter.

"Of course," replied Auron, grimacing inwardly at his horrible luck. So much for his free evening.

***

Several hours later, his wallet was considerably lighter. Liania had eaten everything in sight. After leaving the temple, she had immediately declared that she was hungry. Of course, she had eaten lunch not half and hour ago. After a large snack, they went to the park, where Auron had to endure an actual conversation with her. It consisted mostly of her insulting everyone in sight because they were a) ugly b) badly dressed or c) doing something "stupid". Auron was simply too irritated to find the obvious irony amusing.

After the park, they had gone to dinner at the best restaurant in Bevelle. Liania had eaten four appetizers, five entrees, and then ten desserts because they "all looked so good" that she "simply couldn't decide on just one." Auron's patience had long ago been shot. He wanted to strangle her or scream at her or something, but he doubted that the high priest would be amused if he upset Liania. The situation was very unfair, but he could do nothing about it. Except...

He stood, stretched, and yawned. "Liania, it's been a pleasure, but it's getting quite late. I have to wake early to train, and I doubt your father would appreciate me keeping you out."

Liania, who was well into her tenth dessert, looked up at him. "I can handle my father, it's alright."

"Just the same, I would prefer not to have him angry with me."

"But I'm having so much fun with you!" the girl whined.

Auron was getting quite desperate. "Well, we can't have your father thinking I'm unsuitable to spend time with you, can we? Come, I'll walk you home."

Liania did not look happy, but gathered herself up and stood. She walked (No, waddled would be a more appropriate term. She had to swing her legs out to make it around her elephantine thighs with ever step.) over to where he stood. Inwardly cringing, he offered his arm, which she happily took. They left, Liania taking three very quick steps for every one of his *very* slow ones due to her shorter stature and incredible corpulence. The poor girl simply did not move very fast at all.

Despite the slow moving Liania, they made it back to the high priest's mansion quickly. Auron looked up at the enormous building. Clearly, it paid to be powerful in the eyes of Yevon. Liania paused at the front door, clearly expecting the usual obligatory kiss she invariably received from anyone who took her out. Her father's position made this so, as the only people unfortunate enough to spend time with her did so at his whim. It was merely Auron's bad luck to be the latest in that series.

She stood on the doorstep, facing him and closing her eyes. Auron knew what she wanted, but instead grabbed her pudgy hand and shook it firmly.

"Good night," he told her. Her eyes flew open and her expression was of one shocked beyond comprehension.

"Good...night..." she stuttered. She was clearly unused to being refused by anyone, despite her appalling personality and physical appearance.

Auron opened the door for her and stepped aside for her to enter. When she tarried, he placed his hand on her back and gently pushed her in the door. His hand nearly disappeared into a layer of flesh. When she finally disappeared, Auron left so fast he was nearly running, so desperate was he to get away. He was fairly certain that had been the worst night of his entire life.

***

Of course, that wasn't the end of Liania. That would have made life too easy for Auron, something that was apparently simply not allowed. She would visit the monastery daily, claiming she needed to pray at the temple. Auron, for the sake of his career, was forced to tolerate her, which was not an easy thing to do. _Once and a while, he was forced to take her out, not something that thrilled him. But one day, he and the high priest had a talk. A very bad talk._

"Auron, I want you to marry my daughter."

Auron had a sinking feeling this was coming eventually. Liania had not yet lost interest in him, which had been a bad sign. "Sir, with all due respect, I-"

The man cut him off. "No buts, Auron. I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime. Take it or leave it. But I suggest you take it. The hand of the high priest's daughter is not something to be taken lightly." And with that, he strode off, leaving a shocked and horrified Auron standing behind him. 

~~~

No, Auron recalled. That had not been a good time for him. He looked over at the sleeping Rikku. She was much prettier than Liania. Though the two had similar complexions and hair colors, there was really no comparison. The sleeping Rikku, with her delicate features, looked almost angelic. A sleeping Liania would have looked like a beached whale. Being stuck with Rikku was definitely much more pleasurable.

Auron continued to sit and watch her sleep (and Brother in the cockpit continued sitting and watching *him*). He was shocked that someone hadn't let them out yet. Did no one realize? At the very least, they should have been nosing into his business. He was alone in a room with Rikku. Didn't that excite them?

Suddenly, the figure on the bed let out a moan.

"Tysh Ed," she muttered, "my head *hurts*.

Auron almost felt sorry for her. *Almost* being the operative word.

"Hmmm. I wonder why?"

She gazed at him blearily. "Not funny."

"I never said it was."

So he was going to play that game, was he?

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"The door's locked. I couldn't get out. Believe me, I tried."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "It's not that hard," she said, crossing the room to the door panel. "See, you just push this button and..." She had pushed the button, and of course, nothing had happened. "You push the button. Button. Push." The door did not respond, not even to the banging of Rikku's head on the panel.

"That won't help your headache," Auron felt it was necessary to point this out.

"Well, neither is your talking." And with that, she stalked back to the bed, where she sat facing away from him.

***

Brother watched this transpire with a grin on his face. With all those emotions in the room, something was bound to happen. And it did. Rikku noticed the camera in the corner of the room. Brother was treated to a large variety of extremely obscene gestures. And then the door opened, but it was not of his doing. If Rikku was busy at the camera, that only left one person who was capable of hacking the ship's computer and overriding him. Brother turned around just in time to see Rin smirk at him. And he yelled something very, very loudly in Al Bhed. For which Cid smacked him upside the head. The others wondered what the commotion was.

"It's not Yuna, is it?" asked Tidus. Cid and Brother both ignored him.

***

The second the door opened, Auron shot out like a bat out of hell. He did *not* want to be in there one more minute. He was irrationally angry at her. It was because he hadn't had enough alcohol. And Rikku was cranky because she had drunk far too much. Funny how ironic things can be.

Rikku, for her part, sat behind. That encounter with Auron had probably been the worst she had ever experienced. She had a feeling he would never talk to her again. But she couldn't allow that. Something would have to be done...

_________________________________________________________

*sighs* I am soooo bad at coming up with names. Can't you tell? There's a reason why I didn't give the high priest a name!

I am soooo tired. I need sleep. Desperately. Why can't it just be Friday already? This has been the *longest* week ever. I'm sorry about how rarely I've been updating lately. Life's just been crazy since I got back from vacation (and I'm *still* horribly jet lagged!).

Reviews are nice. Honestly, every single one makes me smile. Don't you want to make me happy? Come on...you know you do! Go on, click the box. That's it...Good reader...I love you.


	12. Under Pressure

Eh. Sorry about the lack of updates. *sigh* It's been a shitty few days for me (the highlights of which, by the way, have been the reviews I've gotten...). I'm not going to get into it (I know, I usually gripe about everything), but the gist of it is that I feel like crap and I'm emotionally drained, so I haven't really been up to writing anything that funny. My theory is that I would rather have quality than quantity, so I've held off for a bit. Really, writing is a very welcome distraction, but I just haven't had much time. This chapter started out quite serious, but got rewritten (and funnier!) as my mood improved. Though some of it is still rather dark and snidely sarcastic.  
  
It's 94 degrees out right now. In April in northern New Jersey. It's warmer here than it is in southern Florida right now!  
  
I was babysitting for part of this (writing on my Palm Pilot, which, by the way, takes *forever*), and being forced against my will to watch *gasp* Power Rangers. Even worse, it's the new ones (even the originals were after my time!). I'm learning so much...for example, the yellow ranger (who's from the jungle or something and therefore walks around wearing less than Rikku) and the pink ranger can't do anything without the others except recite bad dialogue, because they're the girls. And if you get a big fireball shot at you because your attacker wants something you're holding, the best course of action is to...throw it up in the air... HELP ME!!!  
  
Of course, the majority of this fic was written safely at home, listening to my Classic Queen album. Freddie Mercury was a creative genius. I'm doing an English project on him. It's funny...whenever my friends and I talk about music, and my taste comes up, we end up touching upon the subject of Mr. Mercury. And someone always has to point out, 'You know, he was gay.' NO, REALLY? Thank you, Captain Obvious! He didn't, um, die of AIDS or anything. *grin* I love Freddie!  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
Auron felt bad about his callous treatment of poor Rikku. It had probably been her first experience with alcohol, meaning she would have no idea what her limits would be. For that he could not fault her, no matter how annoyed he was over having nothing left to drink. He stood, like usual, outside the door of the cockpit, pondering his predicament.   
  
The facts were simple. He had been growing increasingly close to Rikku, though whether it was due to the others' matchmaking attempts or because of things far beyond his control he had no idea. Rikku was slowly breaking through the personal barriers he had so carefully constructed. Their relationship, in his eyes, was rapidly spiraling out of control. But there was nothing he could do about it as long as they interacted. Cutting her out was the only option, but he had actually admitted to himself (though it would never be said aloud) that he didn't want to do that. In truth, it was nice having someone to talk to, though he could tell her virtually nothing about himself and his past. So that left him with an apology that needed to be made.  
  
Auron felt himself turning to enter the cockpit. The others, including a Rikku valiantly attempting to look *not* hung-over, were arrayed around the room. Auron swept in, his long cloak billowing behind him.   
  
As he passed Rikku, he whispered in a voice so light she thought she was imagining it, "I'm sorry." He didn't even pause to read her reaction; he had a feeling he knew precisely what it would be. And he was right, because shock and relief became apparent across her visage, then were quickly scuttled away in favor of a more normal and less noticeable expression.  
  
For Rikku's part, she wondered if he had actually spoken. Auron as not one to make apologies; that happened about as often as he made jokes. But then again, apologies were not usually necessary because he was very rarely wrong. And to think, Rikku had been about to apologize to *him*. She liked it better like this, anyway, though she did feel kind of rotten about drinking all his sake. She hadn't even liked it that well.  
  
So now what to do? She wasn't sure he had said anything, and he probably wouldn't repeat himself or give her any clues as to what he meant by it. Well, she thought she knew what he meant by it, but that's assuming she'd heard correctly. And her hearing really wasn't that good; her father had a habit of speaking way too loudly in one's ear for that. She decided to play it cool. It was unfortunate that Rikku's methods of playing it cool involved what would, by anyone else's standards, be considered acting as annoying as possible.  
  
She wandered over to where Auron was standing with Tidus. Tidus clearly considered Auron the authority on all things involving Spira. If nothing else, the man certainly *acted* as if he knew it all.  
  
"Seymour?" Tidus demanded, "We killed Seymour! Why is he back again?"  
  
Auron glared at Rikku coolly above his sunglasses, before letting his eye slide over to look at Tidus again. "He is dead. As dead as Jyscal was. His attachment to this world kept him from the next."  
  
Rikku decided to butt in. "Oooh scary!" she proclaimed, shivering dramatically for effect. Auron, inexplicably, was not thrilled by her articulate and well thought out contribution. If Rikku had put much thought into his actions and words, she would have discovered something quite earth shattering. It was probably for the best that she didn't.  
  
Tidus seemed satisfied with Auron's conclusion, and wandered off. The kid had the attention span of a weevil. Auron and Rikku stood there, looking at each other. They were quite aware that everyone else was watching them.  
  
"This isn't the time or place for this," said Auron quietly, "We should be concerned with Yuna's problems, not our own."  
  
Rikku was not at all contented by this answer. It was an excuse, nothing more. But she nodded. "Alright."  
  
***  
  
Rikku watched Yuna disappear over the side of the terrace. Yuna fell and fell, then summoned Valefor. If Rikku wasn't mistaken, Seymour looked vaguely pleased. Not that Yuna's guardians were currently in a position to do anything to help her. At this point, the Yevonites were calling the shots, whether Rikku, Wakka, Lulu, Kimahri, Tidus, and Auron liked it or not. She glared darkly at Seymour, who wasn't even looking at her. Which was unfortunate, because the best evil eye she had ever given was wasted on an audience that didn't even bother to properly receive it. But something was vexing Rikku. They had gone through with the wedding and everything, yes, but where were the chocobos?  
  
"Seymour!" she demanded, "What happened to having chocobos?"  
  
Seymour turned to face her. "Chocobos? My dear, you seem a bit confused. Where do you presume that I would have these chocobos?"  
  
Rikku raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips in thought. "Uhh...Here? For the wedding, you know?"  
  
"For the wedding? Why, I haven't had a chocobo since I was a little half-Guado half-boy." Most of the guards were nodding at his words, doing their best to look enthralled at what the Maester had to say (Of course the sign that Kinoc was holding up, which read 'Shut Up and Smile', didn't hurt). "My human mother bought it for me. And what a fine chocobo it was. Ahh...I remember it well. Its name was-"  
  
Seymour didn't get to share what his chocobo's name was. He was rudely interrupted by a shout of "RUN!" from Auron. And they ran. Right down to the Chamber of the Fayth.  
  
Rikku was proud of herself. Her distraction had been successful! She stole a glance at Auron to assure that he realized her questions had been stupid on purpose. It was unfortunate that Auron believed it to be inadvertent. In fact, he wondered if Rikku had gotten a hold of more booze.  
  
***  
  
They stood outside the Chamber of the Fayth, waiting for Yuna. And Rikku had pretty much convinced the rest of the entourage that she was insane.  
  
"Chocobos?" asked Lulu incredulously. "Where did you come up with that one?"  
  
Rikku looked over at Tidus, who was trying to make himself invisible. It wasn't working. "He and Yuna were talking about it. The wedding was supposed to be on chocobo-back or something. Besides, it worked. We escaped."  
  
"Don't listen to Tidus, ya?" said Wakka, desperate to make an excuse. "He got too close to Sin."  
  
Tidus was of the opinion that the Sin toxin excuse had gotten old long ago. "Chocobo-back? I don't know what you're talking about!" he squeaked. "Maybe *Rikku* was the one who got too close to Sin."  
  
Rikku looked pissed. "Did not!"  
  
Auron had run out of patience. This was not the time or place for silly quibbles. "Enough! It doesn't matter. They'll be down here soon. We'll have our hands full protecting Yuna. We don't need to be fighting with each other as well."  
  
Rikku wasn't the only one wondering: Why was Auron always right?   
  
***  
  
If Auron were ever to compile a list of places to go on vacation, he would put Via Purifico at the very bottom. He found it about as appealing as being dead, which was what *all* of them were likely to be before they made good their escape. This was not helped by the fact that they had been separated yet again. It was almost laughable how many times this had occurred. He wondered idly where Rikku was, then turned his mind to thoughts of his summoner.   
  
Yuna certainly had her own way of going about things. She was convinced that she alone would save Spira from not just Sin, but all the evils that were currently running rampant. She seemed to see Seymour as the first in the series for which disposal was necessary. Auron had to admit, he agreed with her on that one. But it certainly wouldn't be easy. They might as well topple the whole corrupt government while they were at it. (AN: He he.)  
  
Auron stood. He didn't move. Rather than looking for his lost companions, he waited for them to find him. And it didn't take too long. He soon heard voices echoing down the corridor.  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
*sigh* I just yelled at my best friend (over AIM) because she sends me chain letters. Lots of them. And it drives me NUTS! Really...I had AOL for three years, so I've gotten them *all* before. I love my cable modem, yes I do.  
  
Wow! Thanks for all those reviews for the last chapter! Especially you guys who review *every* chapter (I'd give you all cookies or something if I could!). It's so inspiring, really it is. I know, I know, I whine about getting them way too much (kinda like I am right now...). I'm just a review-whore, I can't help it! So give me more! That 150 mark...(wink wink nudge nudge hint hint) 


	13. Seaside Rendezvous

Whee! Vacation is fun! I've been away for a while, in Reno, Nevada, visiting my friend (Medieval Wizard, actually...we worked together over the summer), then in New Hampshire, skiing with my father (Tuckerman Ravine, where we had to hike for seven hours with forty pounds of skis, boots, and gear. I'm *not* built to hike. 5'5", 115 lbs, no way. Coming down at the end of the day, I fell thirteen times. With forty pounds on my back. Not good. I can still barely move and my bruises are impressive.). Anyway, my flight out to Reno was...um...quite the adventure. Details on that follow after the fic...a bonus mini-fic if you will. I think it's worth the read. You'll be shocked and amazed, I guarantee it! (Pardon my French, but a fucking tornado in Newark?! And that's just the beginning...)  
  
I finally bought the FFX strategy guide yesterday. I've wanted it for a while, but have never seen or gotten around to looking for it. Not that I haven't finished the game multiple times without it (and I haven't missed *anything*). But I wanted the happy sphere grid pullout (and the mix one, too!). I was mad though...the bios for each of the characters didn't give height and weight and age, and I really wanted to know (I'm weird, ok?!).  
________________________________________________________  
  
"Yuna?" Auron called. He thought he had heard her coming down the corridor.  
  
"Auron?" The voice was definitely Yuna's. But as she came into sight, he saw that she was trailed by Lulu, and Kimahri. "You haven't seen Tidus...or Wakka or Rikku, have you?"   
  
'Hmm...wonder who Yuna's really concerned about,' thought Auron. He then spoke aloud, "No, I was hoping you had."  
  
Yuna looked concerned about her wayward guardians. "I hope that they're together." Auron nodded once slowly.   
  
Lulu crossed her arms. She was just glad that Auron and Rikku were apart. She couldn't stand to see Wakka win. "We might as well start looking for them," she said unenthusiastically.  
  
Auron turned his gaze on her. "First we have to find our way out...alive."  
  
"Oh, can it, old man," said Lulu. "It's gotten old. You aren't scaring anyone." She turned and walked away. Auron looked irritated.  
  
"I was scared, Auron," said Yuna, comfortingly while nodding her head vigorously. "And so was Kimahri, right Kimahri?" Kimahri didn't respond.   
  
Somehow, Yuna's earnest concern for Auron's ego didn't help. The man scowled (though behind the collar, he looked expressionless) and stalked away. He was going to pretend he knew where he was going and hope Lulu didn't call him on that one, too.  
  
(AN: MW just asked me to hand her a pair of shoes. The bottoms said skid resistant, but I thought that they said 'Child Resistant'! I'm a sped.)   
  
***  
  
(AN: They can talk underwater, OK?)  
  
"One nasty fishy, two nasty fishies, three nasty fishies," counted Rikku cheerfully. She continued in this vein for quite a while, finally reaching the calamitous proclamation "thirty-five nasty fishies."  
  
"Great Rikku, you can count!" said Tidus. He was not about to mention that he had been stuck on twenty-two. Numbers had been giving him trouble ever since Meconath had thrown him headfirst into the goalpost during a game in the Zanarkand Junior Leagues.  
  
Wakka was staring at his fingers, which he was wiggling stupidly. "Thirty-five's a lot..." he said.  
  
*Chomp chomp chomp,* went the fishies.  
  
"Uh oh," said Rikku, rather unnecessarily, "Wakka turned green." She shook her head sadly. "Where's Yunie when you need her?"  
  
"I hope she doesn't have to deal with this," said Tidus.  
  
"Yeah," said Rikku, "can you imagine her swimming in that dress?"  
  
***  
  
Yuna had never really gotten to spend much time with Auron. She had a few things to ask him, mainly on the subject of her cousin, who seemed to be spending quite a bit of time with him. Yuna was intending to play the part of the concerned relative/matchmaker and come off as being as harmless as possible. She was, after all, 'just trying to help,' or so she would claim. She knew she would have to be careful not to give away any information, while trying to learn as much as she could. In short, she was gonna be the manipulative bitch.  
  
  
Auron was still sulking after being told off by Lulu, who was also not very talkative today. And Kimahri was, of course, Kimahri, which meant he could be counted upon for continuous silence. So clearly, Yuna   
had to be the conversation starter.  
  
She considered openings for several minutes, as they followed Auron's lead through the maze. The completely lame 'Awfully cold down here' was trashed, as was the dopey 'Anyone need some healing?' and the decidedly cheesy and overused 'How 'bout them Aurochs?!' If she used an opening like that, she might as well have started drooling and informed Auron that she was prying. Not that he wouldn't easily figure it out on his own. It was annoying how good he was at that sort of thing, especially when someone was getting in his face.  
  
Finally, she decided on "Where could they have put the others?" addressed to Auron.  
  
His response was rather emotionless. "Via Purifico is large. We are in the Maze of Sorrow, but they could be anywhere, including the underwater sections."  
  
"Oooh," said Yuna. "Will they be ok?"  
  
"Let me consult my crystal ball," he said derisively. He lifted his hands as if doing so, his left arm coming out of the jacket. "Let's see..."  
  
Yuna pursed her eyebrows and wrinkled her nose. "It was a...um...what's the word?"  
  
"Rhetorical, I believe."  
  
"Yes. A rhetorical question."  
  
"No. Really?" Clearly, Auron's present mood was far from optimal for best results to be obtained.  
  
Yuna tried a different tack, in hopes it would appease her temperamental guardian. "I'm worried about them."  
  
"Tidus and Wakka are two of the strongest fighters. They'll be ok."  
  
Yuna sprang to her cousin's defense. "What about Rikku? She fights well too!"  
  
"Yes," admitted Auron, "she is quite competent."   
  
"You've been spending a lot of time with her lately," said Yuna, subtle as only she could manage.  
  
"You're not the only one to notice. What is this fascination with Rikku and me? I've been locked in a room with her, endured large numbers of suggestions, and I feel as if I'm being forced on her."  
  
Yuna realized that damage control was necessary. "Well, you two would be...cute together." She glared at Lulu, who was snickering, out of the corner of her eye.  
  
Auron blinked incredulously. "Cute? She's less than half my age."  
  
"So? Love knows no boundaries!" Yuna declared.  
  
"Easy for you to say. Tidus is the same age you are."  
  
Yuna blushed scarlet, bringing one hand to her mouth in attempts to look modest. "So?" she asked weakly.  
  
Auron smiled. "If you can't figure that one out on your own, then you really shouldn't be playing matchmaker. You are right about age being immaterial, but for the wrong reasons." He shook his head. "Look Yuna, please. You're doing more harm than good."  
  
Yuna looked hurt. She had, after all, just been trying to help (though to help whom, one can't be certain). Nonetheless, she nodded her understanding to Auron. "Of course. I'm so sorry, Sir Auron." She walked up ahead of him, abashed.  
  
"That was excessively brutal," came a new voice from Auron's side. Lulu had wandered over when she'd seen the looks exchanged over the course of the conversation.  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
"You live to scare people, don't you?" asked Lulu.   
  
Auron was suddenly tempted to point out the fact that he was no longer technically living, though that would have only been for show; he didn't want to prove her theory correct. Instead, he opted for the standard, "Humph," and strolled away.  
  
Lulu rolled her eyes. "Figures."  
  
***  
  
"Umm...hand me an antidote." Rikku was playing the medic, and Tidus was her 'assistant'.  
  
"A what? Oh...here."  
  
"Ahhh! Too late! Phoenix down me!" yelled Rikku. Tidus obliged. "Moron! It was a figure of speech! You were supposed to hand me one, not use it on me! I'm not the dead one, Wakka is!" Rikku shrieked. Poor Tidus. He was only trying to help. Things just weren't going very well. Two blondes do not equal a clue. Finally, he handed her a phoenix down, and Wakka came to, coughing and sputtering.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You died." Tidus's response was simple and to the point.  
  
Wakka's was similarly eloquent. "Oh."  
  
"Can we get going?" asked Rikku. She could see a dark shadow lurking in the depths beyond.  
  
"Sounds like a plan," said Tidus. Too late. Out came the lurky thing.  
  
"It's worse," said Tidus.  
  
"What's worse?" asked Rikku.  
  
"Uhh...nothing," said Tidus, reminding himself to stop quoting Zanarkand sphere movies, because no one in Spira got the references. (AN: Bonus points to anyone that can tell me what movie that's from...weird little parallel involving lurky things.) There were moments that he really missed Zanarkand - ones like the situation he was presently in, where being ingested was highly probable.  
  
Wakka rolled over so he was looking at Rikku. "Tidus is talking to himself, ya?"  
  
She shook her head sadly and whispered in reply, "I think he's losing it."  
  
"Naw...He lost it a while ago. He signed *Rin* to the Aurochs."  
  
***  
  
"Yuna!" yelled Tidus.  
  
"Tidus!" yelled Yuna. Then she looked at Auron and blushed. She couldn't tell where he was looking because of the glasses. He blew a long breath out his nose, but she couldn't hear it.  
  
The reunion was a short one. "Seymour again?!" asked Rikku. Tidus's voice jumped up an octave. Yuna looked determined. Auron looked pissed. Wakka looked like a man who had lost everything he believed in and was about to commit sacrilege. Lulu looked grumpy. Kimahri looked like Kimahri. Seymour looked strange, and the "Death awaits you," line got old very quickly.  
  
Finally, it was over.  
  
"Is that it?" asked Tidus.  
  
"Probably not," replied Auron, casting a cautious eye at Lulu.  
  
"It could be worse, ya," said Wakka, "at least Rikku doesn't have to be a healer anymore."  
  
"Hey!" pouted Rikku. "I saved you, didn't I?!" The expression on Wakka's face made this seem very doubtful, as if she had saved him from cardiac arrest by dropping a power line into the puddle he had been lying face down in.  
  
"Uh. Ya."  
  
"You don't have to be such a meanie!"  
  
"I thought meanie was the title usually reserved for me," commented Auron.  
  
Rikku's eyes flashed. "You're both meanies, ok?!"  
  
Yuna, always the peacemaker, tried to help. "Guys? I think it's time to go."  
  
And off they went to the Calm Lands. Poor Wakka. He didn't win. Neither did Seymour.  
________________________________________________________  
  
Another not so long chapter. I'm just so damn busy! It's not going to be a particularly prolific few weeks for me. I've got two AP tests to prepare for, three major papers to write (including one for gym, because I didn't show up *once* during most of the month of April), a course in Basic Life Support, plus a 20+ hour workweek. Grrr... I really want to write. I've got some great ideas for the next to chapters, just you wait and see. I just need to find time to write them.  
  
You know what's annoying? When people ask for reviews, then when they get one that's less than favorable (but constructive!), they IM you and insult you. This happened to me today. Some favorite quotes from the conversation...  
-Mignonne, ur storeys are worse then CRAP (said *twice*)  
-AHGHAGEWHAGWHAGWHGW!AAA!!!!! ABAZOO! (the conversation opener)  
-u have no good ideas what so ever (umm...ok...you keep thinking that, honey)  
-I have more readers that LIKE my storys, unlike u ya slut (Lets look at numbers, honey...)  
-Are u trying to sound cool or somthing? ur the biggest fucking dumbass i kno (Does she even realize how stupid her shorthand makes her sound?)  
- even a rapest wouldnt rape u (*blinks* Can't say it. It's just too mean, even for this nut job.)  
- a peice of shit is cooler then you (However, it would probably spell better than you do.)  
The moral of the story, kiddies, is don't fuck with me because of jealousy. Especially if your name is Platabear the Keebat, because your heinous and stupid insults just got you on my bad list. You *don't* want to be on my bad list.  
  
Reviews please! I promise, I can take criticism (as long as it's not just "You suck. Die!" or some variation thereof). I'd actually *like* constructive criticism, because I'm always looking to improve my writing. But I'm not going to complain if you tell me I rock. Either way, tell me what you think!  
  
And now, without further ado (and right at the bottom, just in case you want to skip it and go right to the review box)...  
  
~Mignonne's Grand Adventure, a completely pointless addition to this already pointless fic~  
  
4.19.02  
  
4:00pm eastern: I arrive at Newark International Airport. The sky looks rather ominous. I attempt to check in. My flight has been cancelled. My options are to take a flight the next day at the same time and lose an entire day of vacation, or take a later flight, spend the night in Mineapolis/St. Paul (where my connection originally was), and fly out of there at 9am the next day. Discussion ensues, with the guy at the ticket counter talking to my mother on my cell phone. My mom tells me to come home. I am flipping out. The fact that I am crying does not make the ticket counter guy very happy. I convince my parents that I'll be OK in Minneapolis for the night. I get the last ticket on the later flight. This takes about forty-five minutes.  
  
5:00pm eastern: On my cell phone, talking to MW about the change in plans. The gate my plane leaves from is in a round terminal with plate glass windows. The sky looks *bad*. It all happens at once. The sky turned a nauseating greenish hue. The wind had been blowing, but suddenly, it *slammed* against the windows. The planes outside were rocking on the ground; one's nose was actually lifted and slammed down again. It begins to pour. I was at gate 41, and the jetway for gate 40 was completely destroyed. And as this hits, the fire alarm goes off. And damn is it loud. They announce that a tornado has hit the end of the tarmac and we have to evacuate downstairs. We get to the end of the terminal and get turned around by the police, who say that no such order has been issued. Suddenly, the planes are running again. OK...  
  
7:00pm eastern: Plane finally leaves. I get three seats to myself and sprawl across them. Nice nap!  
  
9:23pm central: Arrive in Minneapolis. My original connection left at 9:13. Yeah, that's me in the airport for the night.  
  
9:45pm central: After collecting my baggage, which the nice ticket counter guy arranged so I could pick up, I go to another ticketing counter to ask about my flight for the next morning. I get handed a hotel slip guaranteeing me the lowest rates and I stutter, "You mean I have to pay?" The ticketing counter lady asks how old I am. Seventeen. Uh oh. I'm an unaccompanied minor. Three months away from my eighteenth birthday, and I get taken to the kiddie room. NO KIDDING.  
  
10:30pm: Down in the kiddie room, I watch as they spray disinfectant on the couch that I am supposed to sleep on. I get two of those mini airplane pillows, and two of the little blankets. And there are cows on the walls. There are also several Nintendo 64s. I long for my PS2. I then have to be *escorted* to the food court to buy dinner by a lady who calls *everyone* she sees "Hon". At least the airline paid for me to eat. And believe me, I milked that one for all it was worth. Who eats $35 dollars worth of airplane food in 12 hours? I do!  
  
11:00pm: My babysitter for the evening arrives and I watch dirty late night television on the tiny TV with the fuzzy antenna reception.  
  
4.20.02  
  
6:00am: Small children begin to be ushered in and out of the room.  
  
8:00am: Good morning Mignonne! I am ushered downstairs again for breakfast. I want Starbucks, but am told I am not allowed to have coffee. Apparently kids had insisted on it before and been nuts, and it annoys the flight attendants. Cause I'm how old?  
  
8:45am: Ushered to my gate for departure (thank god!). The ticketing counter lady asks me if I want to be moved so I can sit next to the twelve-year-old that is talking my ear off. NO, That's OK!  
  
9:26am: The plane leaves for Reno.  
  
11:45am Pacific: The plane arrives in Reno, twenty minutes early. I can't find my friend for another hour. I wander around the airport looking for her. Nevada is scary. They have slot machines as soon as you get off the plane. This could be bad... 


	14. Only the Good Die Young

Ack! Just got home from taking my AP Calculus test. No fun, no fun at all. I *hate* math. I never want to take it again.   
  
________________________________________________________  
  
They were almost to the Calm Lands. No one could believe how far they had come. They sat together in Macalania Woods, minus Yuna, Kimahri, and Tidus. Rikku was up a tree. Auron left the campsite and she sprung nimbly after him.  
  
***  
  
"Why are you following me?"  
  
"Why are you asking?"  
  
"Because you're following me."  
  
"You mind?"   
  
"Actually, yes. So if you would excuse me -"  
  
"Well, I wanted to know..."  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"You apologized. Why?"  
  
Auron blinked at Rikku. Apparently just the apology wasn't enough. It should have been. It should have satisfied her. But, it was Auron's lucky day, and it hadn't. Next she would want to discuss his feelings. And at the rate they were going, she would probably coerce him into doing so. He knew, as a matter of logic, that Rikku wouldn't give up until she got the answer she wanted.  
  
"Why?" she repeated.  
  
"I felt I was too hard on you. You didn't deserve it. You're quite aggravating, you know."  
  
She grinned. "I do my best."  
  
He merely nodded. "I don't suppose you're going to leave me alone." It was a statement, not a question. She said nothing, but fell into step with him. They reached the rock on which they had been sitting the last time they visited Macalania. This time, they sat on the ground, using the large boulder as back support. Auron put a hand to his head unconsciously.  
  
"Soooo..." Rikku began. Auron raised his eyebrow slowly. Rikku plunged on. "I want to know about you."  
  
Oh dear. "What, exactly, would you like to know?"  
  
"Just...stuff, you know?"  
  
"Be more specific." Could it have been anymore obvious that he was trying to evade the question? Probably not.  
  
"Well, uhh, where were you born?"  
  
"Bevelle."  
  
"Any brothers or sisters?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I'm not gonna get anywhere like this, am I?"  
  
"No."  
  
She sighed. "You don't have to be so cut off, you know? It might help to talk about things."  
  
"You wouldn't be able to handle hearing half of the things that have occurred during my existence."  
  
Rikku stood and smacked her fist to her chest. "Oh yeah? I bet I could! I can take it! Go on, try me!" She shook her hand out, eyeing her now sore fist distastefully.  
  
Auron had already consumed some sake, and he was feeling reckless. A more sober man might have recognized the following admission as something along the lines of fucking stupid. That more sober man, however, Auron was unfortunately not.   
  
He turned to Rikku. "Ok, fine. I'm dead." The admission was conversational in tone, as calm as one remarking about the weather last Tuesday.  
  
"Oh. Ok." Auron looked at Rikku. She should be this calm. And, of course she wasn't. Her eyes were open wide with shock and she seemed to be drooling just a little bit.  
  
"Rikku?" He nudged her gently. "Rikku?"  
  
She spun to face him. "You're really dead then? Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Like Seymour?"  
  
"Yes, without the psychopathic intentions."  
  
"Like Mika?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Like...dead people?"  
  
The questions were getting redundant. "Yes, like dead people. I am one, after all."  
  
She suddenly leaned into him, grasping his waist and pressing her ear to his chest. "You don't have a heartbeat," she announced dazedly.  
  
"You have an astounding grasp of the obvious," he replied. "Dead people usually *don't* have heartbeats."  
  
"Oh."  
  
And there was silence for some time. Finally, Rikku had to ask. "So you're dead, right?" Auron just glanced at her irately. She paused, and then, "What happened to you?"  
  
Auron was gazing into the distance, his lone eye unseeing save for the slow visions of his death that danced before it. "Yunalesca," he said, not bothering to look at Rikku. He knew what he would see on her face; it would be nothing new. "I was...angry...after Braska called the Final Aeon. Young and idealistic, not unlike Tidus is now, I wanted to give meaning to the death of my friend." He paused slightly. "Of my friends. I attacked her, and she struck me down." He smiled slightly at the pathetic irony. "Wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done."  
  
Suddenly Rikku was eager. "So, you agree with Tidus and I, doncha? You'll help us find a way to save Yunie!" Her tone suddenly softened, leaving no more than a whisper. "Please?"   
  
"This..." he said, though it was not without difficulty, "is not my story. It is yours, and Tidus's, and Yuna's, and even Wakka's, and Lulu's, and Kimahri's. But not mine. My story ended ten years ago. At any rate, I couldn't save my friends. Why do you think I would be any more adept at saving yours?"  
  
"They're your friends too, Auron. They're your friends too." Rikku's eyes were almost misty. "And your story is *not* over!" This, she said more forcefully. "You're still here, aren't you? You can still make a difference!"  
  
"Borrowed time. I have no right to -"  
  
She cut him off. "No right? No right?! Yunie will die! Don't you understand? She'll die!" Her verdant eyes were brimming with tears and begging. They said more than her words ever could. He tentatively raised a hand to her cheek.  
  
"I believe in you, in you and Tidus." Then, he stood and walked back to the campsite, leaving a stunned and thoroughly shaken Rikku sitting behind.  
  
***  
  
The observing Wakka and Lulu breathed a sigh of relief. Although they were unable to hear the conversation, no kissage had occurred, and therefore, O'aka hadn't won. Lulu walked back to the campsite. Wakka stood there. He almost felt sorry for Rikku, who was obviously quite distraught. And, he was thirsty. Unfortunately, the only water was in the spring, and Tidus and Yuna were over there. He did *not* want to bother them.  
  
But there it was in front of him: the perfect icicle. Not bothering to think about the physics of the thing, and the fact that it really wasn't cold enough for it to feasibly exist, he walked over to it. And stuck his tongue out.  
  
"Uu?" he called. "Uuu!" Lulu typically did not respond to Uuu, but she turned and looked back at him. And started laughing.  
  
Wakka looked absolutely ridiculous. His tongue was stuck to the icicle, and he was bent at the waist to accommodate it. His eyes looked frantic and he tried to pull back, which amounted to little success. Rikku, still sitting by the rock, heard Lulu's hysterical laughter. She wandered over, as did Auron, who looked almost amused.  
  
"What happened?" asked Rikku.  
  
"Eeaah," said Wakka.  
  
"Come again?" said Lulu, smirking.  
  
"Don't worry, I can get you off," said Auron. Wakka looked relieved, then saw the swordsman shouldering his blade. Then he shrieked.  
  
"Have you tried pulling?" suggested Rikku. Wakka attempted to nod; it was a fair imitation.  
  
"I guess there's nothing to be done," said Auron, walking away.   
  
Lulu followed. "You're right. This seems permanent."  
  
Rikku looked vaguely confused, but trailed after the pair.  
  
Wakka made frantic noises and looked on helplessly as his companions walked away.  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
Will Wakka get his tongue unstuck? Or will I just leave him there? Eh, who knows.  
  
I got my first flame. And to think I was proud that my story hadn't yet offended anyone (or rather, offends people on an equal opportunity basis). I'd like to thank the flamer for the wonderful insight her comments about my story gave. I will remember to keep in mind that I'm "a looser", I didn't realize "how bad [I am] at writeing storys", and that I was a "dumb fuck 2 cent slut bitch ass crap whore!" Whoops! Better get out to my street corner! How immature is this person? Very, especially because she not only flamed *all* my "storys", but the only parts she spelled right are the ones cut and pasted from reviews that she has received (and only one was from me...it's between the ~s). Here is a sample of the reviews she left for my other story...I would just ignore it, but it's too damn funny not to do this. Coincidentally, this is a signed review (by Yunnie) admitting that she was the one who flamed all my other stories. My comments are within the [brackets].  
  
Too bad i have better and nicer reviews then you [well, lets start with the fact that they are all from her little friends],   
and im not jelous of your CRAPY STORYS, [no, she's not jelous, she's *jealous*]  
you were the one who wrote: "~Umm...it's a neat plot idea, but poorly executed. No one likes script format (it's just easier to write), and it just makes it worse that your grammar is horrible. Capitalize, please! And run spell check! Seriously, this plot might have potential, do yourself a favor and don't ruin it.~ [Yeah. I was right, and not being particularly cruel]  
Ugh! Why do you insist on writing this garbagio? Seriously, self insertion is the most annoying thing ever, and especially so when the spelling is so atrocious. Dear god, this sucks! Use a spellchecker, you dumb fuck." [Not written by me, but she made that assumption.]  
So if i were you i'd shutup you freak, no one asked ur opinion, AND if u have nothing to say, dont say it, [but I *did* have something to say]  
i was just giving u a taste of ur own medicine!! yes i noticed the spelling errors dumbass -_-' [Did you? Then why are they there? And why are there more this time around?]  
  
Honestly, the flames don't bother me (especially because they have nothing to do with my story). It's that she WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!! She IM's me, she emails me, she flames me...it's annoying as hell and I'm ready to climb through my computer and strangle her. There's no reasoning with her. She's like the pimple that just won't go away, no matter how many remedies you try. Ignoring? Didn't work. So I'm getting sucked into this incredibly juvenile conflict, and *I* look immature for doing this. I just can't win (and I don't like to erase reviews, even if they're bad).  
  
*Sighs* Well I hope *you* liked the chapter. Review, please? 


	15. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy

Mother's day...how exciting. It means I had to talk to my psycho grandmother this morning. I'm going to the University of Washington in Seattle this fall, and she had some choice things to say about that. She lives in Kentucky, and according to her, it's the most beautiful place in the entire world (yeah, ok...). But apparently, Seattle is completely overrun with hippies and cults. Hypnotizing cults that trick you into joining. And when asked when the last time she had been in Seattle was, she replied with, "Well, I know what I see on TV. Do you watch Oprah?" Of course, when we had our family reunion in Cancun last year, this was the grandmother that wasn't told about it.  
  
I got in trouble with my physics teacher. No more writing (he thought I was playing video games) in class for Mignonne. Now all there is to do is watch the weird kid (the same one that wrote the checks) next to me play with the growth on his arm. I nearly threw up on Friday.  
  
There is a bird that lives outside my window and starts tweeting at the same time every day. At midnight.  
  
I'm listening to the Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego theme song right now. Ahh...memories... I wanted to be on that show *so* desperately when I was in about third grade. I would have kicked ass, man!  
  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Rikku dreamed. She was nowhere she recognized, not a rare occurrence during this trek across Spira. There was an open field with a lone tree in the center. She was standing under the tree and could see rolling mist in every direction, completely surrounding her. It was eerily silent. She slowly turned in a circle. She saw nothing.  
  
"Hello?" she called. "Is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?"  
  
Suddenly, her hair was stirred by the wind. She spun, and found that Auron had appeared and was approaching her. She shut her eyes briefly and breathed a sigh of relief. "Auron. Where are we?"  
  
He reached the place she was standing. "You tell me. This is your dream, not mine."  
  
"I'm scared."  
  
"Again, not my concern. I'm dead. Dead people don't get scared."  
  
Rikku took a step back. "Auron?" she asked tentatively.  
  
He looked at her and smiled grimly. She was vaguely aware of the fact that he wasn't wearing his normal collar and sunglasses. He reached an arm out, and suddenly, his face began to melt. It was a decaying process, only sped up so that everything simply dripped away, leaving only the garish visage of his skull behind. The arm that had come forward and grasped her arm detached at the shoulder, and it became dead weight gripping her upper arm.  
  
She screamed.  
  
***  
  
Rikku opened her eyes to a concerned Yuna leaning over her. "Rikku! What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh Yunie, it was horrible. I had the most awful dream." She clutched desperately at her cousin. "Soooo scary..."  
  
"Are you okay?" asked Tidus from Yuna's other side. Rikku didn't respond.  
  
Lulu came over and gave her a sympathetic look. She had actually decided to be nice to the poor girl, as Rikku was obviously in distress. The corners of Rikku's lips shifted slightly upward in a pathetic attempt to smile. Suddenly, Rikku felt a hand on her shoulder. It was cold. She knew who it belonged to. She turned slowly to face him.  
  
Rikku screamed for the second time that night.  
  
Wakka, in the middle of the woods and still stuck to his icicle, wondered what was going on. Or rather, he wondered what it was that was obviously consuming his traveling companions and would later come and finish up with him. He whimpered. Damn! Failed as a guardian again!  
  
***  
  
Rikku was trembling. Auron's hand hadn't moved. Tears were running down her face. Her lips parted and she looked like she was going to speak, but was stopped by a slight shake of Auron's head. Her mouth closed. He leaned forward and gently detached her from Yuna.  
  
"Come, Rikku." He looked up at the others. "You need your rest, Yuna especially. You have a long day ahead of you. The Calm Lands will not be easy to cross."  
  
Yuna nodded at him. "OK."  
  
Rikku was shaking as Auron picked her up gently. His hands were freezing...odd she had never noticed until now. Perhaps that was the cause of his slowness in battle. Frozen joints springing into action inevitably were not the speediest things around. They sat by the smoldering embers of the former campfire. Rikku tried unsuccessfully to use it to warm her hands.  
  
"Are you alright?" Auron asked her softly.  
  
"Better than you," she replied, not looking up.  
  
He chuckled lightly. "That may be true, but it's not what I meant."  
  
"I had a nightmare. Your face fell off."  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"No. You grabbed my arm, and yours fell off, too." Her eyes were wide and serious, and Auron almost felt like laughing at the irony.  
  
"I seriously doubt that will ever occur," said Auron, in an attempt to be reassuring.  
  
"The dead thing really doesn't bother you, does it?"  
  
"I have had ten years to adjust. I'm sorry."  
  
"You could be more...sympathetic!"  
  
"Why should I be sympathetic? I'm the dead one."  
  
Rikku said nothing. She didn't think he was being very nice. All their 'serious' conversations ended up like this. She decided that talk was getting them nowhere and threw herself against him. She couldn't have held the tears back much longer, anyway. Auron also said nothing, but gently stroked her hair with one hand.  
  
***  
  
It was a noticeably more subdued group that left the woods the next morning. Always altruistic Auron, upon lighting the fire, had heated water in his empty sake jug, then dumped it unceremoniously over Wakka's decidedly ungrateful head.  
  
He came up coughing and sputtering. "What happened?" he asked, struggling to get his stiff and sore tongue around the words. "I heard screaming. It was Yuna, wasn't it? She's dead, isn't she? I'm such a failure. I can't do anything right!"  
  
The dejected and quite worked up Wakka looked ready to continue, but was halted by Auron glaring menacingly. "You think that if Yuna was dead I would still be here?" he asked. "She is fine. Rikku had a nightmare."  
  
"Musta been some nightmare, ya?" Auron was already walking away and Wakka ran to catch up. "Uh...thanks?" Auron did not turn around.  
  
Meanwhile, Yuna was asking Rikku about her dream. Rikku was coming dangerously close to giving away what she knew, despite the fact that her intentions were all for the best. She actually liked Auron; she liked most people.  
  
Yuna would not allow her to lapse into thought. "What did you dream about?"  
  
"It was about Seymour." Funny how he had become *everyone's* excuse for *everything*.  
  
Yuna smiled. "Well, that does explain the screaming." She almost giggled, then frowned again. "But why did you scream when you looked at Auron?"  
  
Rikku thought fast. "Because I dreamed that he...uh...teamed up with Seymour."  
  
Yuna looked rather startled. "I don't think that will ever happen," she said, patting Rikku's shoulder reassuringly and unconsciously repeating Auron's response, though not the words.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. It was just scary when it happened, you know? Just...Seymour."  
  
A more confident person might have laughed and told Rikku to remember, Seymour was her husband. Yuna opted instead for "Yeah." Just yeah. Omnipotent narrator shakes head. Weak.  
  
And then they were at the Calm Lands.  
  
***  
  
The amount of activity taking place in the expanse of land before them was astounding. The party was just walking across, fighting fiends as they went, when Tidus's sharp eyes noticed the approach of a chocobo in the distance. And then he saw who was riding.  
  
"Uh oh," was Tidus's well-spoken utterance.   
  
"What oh?" asked Yuna. Tidus just raised one hand and slowly pointed. It was Clasko, and riding behind him was Shelinda. Yuna's eyes widened slowly in terror.  
  
"Tidus!" Clasko and Shelinda both waved perkily. No one in Yuna's entourage looked happy. At all.  
  
"Uh hi Clasko," said Tidus. "So nice to see you. And you too, Shelinda."  
  
"Tidus, I just have to thank you for that suggestion. Getting married on chocobo-back? Just brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that Shelinda and I decided to take it. Isn't that right, sweetie."  
  
Shelinda giggled. "Yes, muffin."  
  
Tidus blanched. Rikku ate a blancmange. Kimahri wondered where she had gotten it, because he was hungry. (AN: Blancmanges make Mignonne want to play tennis...)  
  
Yuna recovered from her shock long enough to squeak out a "Congratulations."  
  
"Oh, thank you!" said Shelinda. "I just know we're going to be so happy." She was gushing at this point. "Clasko *always* listens to my suggestions, isn't that right, honey?"  
  
Clasko blushed. "Aww, Shelinda! You don't have to tell them that!" He leaned in close and began to whisper, although loudly for the benefit of the group standing on the ground. "They don't need to know that you like to be on top."  
  
Rikku spit out her blancmange.  
  
"No. We really didn't," said Auron. "If you would excuse us." He tried to begin walking, but the others were still gaping. He didn't exactly blame them. That detail had certainly been unnecessary. But then again, both Shelinda and Clasko existing was completely unnecessary.  
  
***  
  
They set up camp at a site that was, coincidentally, not too far from where Shelinda and Clasko had put up their tent (although the assumption was that it was too far for visits). The chocobo was staying in a small cave right by the couple's tent. They were all tired from the long day and therefore turned in early.  
  
Unfortunately, they were rudely awoken by an extremely distressed Shelinda.   
  
"Clasko is...he's...Choco..."  
  
Yuna patted the distressed woman on the back reassuringly. "Now, what happened?"  
  
"Clasko...he was taking a long time with Choco...I went into the cave...just to make sure everything was alright. And they..." she trailed off.  
  
"Are they dead?" asked Lulu, a little too eagerly.  
  
"No...Clasko was...with...Choco." Shelinda dissolved into tears. Several of the others were ready to dissolve into tears of laughter.  
  
"I don't get it," said the confused Wakka. Lulu leaned over and whispered something in his ear. "He fucked the chocobo?!" exclaimed Wakka.  
  
Shelinda just cried harder.  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Oh my. Mignonne's a dirty, dirty girl. It's very crude, but come on...you know that's what you thought whenever Clasko showed up!  
  
My Horse = Auron  
A Postulation  
  
You may be the hand that feeds me, but I'll be damned if I stop biting you. That, seemingly, is my horse's outlook on life. He is cantankerous and difficult to deal with. He is physically abusive, especially of other horses. Sometimes, he's just plain mean. So how does he relate to Auron? you wonder.  
1) Both are large and muscular. Oscar (my horse, of course) is gorgeous. This is not merely me being biased, as it is confirmed by *someone* whenever I take him out of his stall. There are also many who are of the opinion that Auron is gorgeous.  
2) The attitude. Both have alpha-male characteristics. No one messes with my horse. No one messes with Auron.  
3) The apparent fondness for hyperactive teenagers. Auron and his alleged relationship with Rikku. Oscar and the fact that he tolerates me hanging on him constantly (I think he might actually...like me...). Obviously, however, the relationship between my horse and I is quite different from the Aurikku one. Who do you think I am, Clasko?  
4) Oscar is gelded. Auron is dead.  
5) Both of their names start with vowels.  
6) Auron went to Zanarkand for ten years. Oscar was in Oklahoma (which might as well be another world) for about three before we owned him. Oscar returned to my barn when we purchased him. Auron returned to Spira to protect Yuna.  
7) Both excel at what they do. Oscar can jump a five foot fence, and Auron can wield a five foot sword. *Both* are extremely impressive achievements.  
8) Oscar eats everything in sight and Auron drinks a lot.  
9) My obsessions. Oscar is one of my obsessions, and Auron is part of another.  
I swear, it's attitude, attitude, attitude. Oscar currently will only allow himself to be turned out with one other horse, whom he pushes around the entire time. I view poor Dillon as the barn's Tidus character. Strange parallels, no? *smiles* I love my pony.  
  
Review! Or Oscar will find you and kick your ass. And no, I don't mean your donkey. I need assurance that this wasn't unbearably vulgar. 


	16. Lowrider

There are several reasons for this chapter taking almost two months to produce.  1) Fanfiction.net not working.  2) John Entwhistle dying.  A proper mourning period must be observed.  3) I've just been so damn busy.  Various trips and a job (40+ hours a week) take up so much of my time.  It's been months since I've sat down and really played FFX.  4) Fanfiction.net being down.  I maintain that this is the main reason for my lack of updates.  I just refused to update until I was sure it was up and completely stable again.  None of that read only crap.  This chapter's been done for awhile.  And then *both* my computers crashed.  And my Auron poster keeps falling off my wall.  Things just haven't been going my way.

Highlights of the two months(!) since I updated include...The Blairstown, NJ, Pet Cemetery; Senior Prom (I got my dress for $6 at the Salvation Army and got loads of compliments on it...very proud!); Graduation; freshman orientation in Seattle (aha...funny story...there were a couple of us walking down the street...the Ave in the U-District, for any Seattle-ites out there, and my roommate for the night was smoking a cigarette.  So this woman comes up and asks for one, and my roommate gives her one.  So thirty seconds later, this guy walks up and asks her for one.  She asks him if he has five dollars.  He says...no kidding..."No, but I've got some E pills."  About a hundred yards later, we saw a drag queen that had been beaten up.); a road trip; the purchase of a pair of aviator sunglasses roughly the size of my face (Freddie Mercury wore aviators...); the acquisition of a ninth Queen album; the temperature reaching 106F in NJ...and my car's air conditioning not working; and of course, work and riding the pony.  I love the pony.

_________________________________________________________

_All my friends love a lowrider  
The lowrider is a little higher  
Lowrider drives a little slower  
Lowrider is a little poor  
  
Lowrider knows every street, yeah  
Lowrider is the one to meet, yeah  
Lowrider don't use no gas, now  
Lowrider don't drive too fast  
  
Take a little trip, take a little trip  
Take a little trip and see  
Take a little trip, take a little trip  
Take a little trip with me_

                  Lowrider by ZZ Top

It had taken the group some time to recover from the trauma of the night before. All were in a state of shock following Clasko's faux-pas. Even the steadfast Auron was completely and totally mentally traumatized by the night's events.

"I still can't believe it, no?" said Wakka.

"I don't know what's worse," stated Auron flatly, "the fact that it happened, or the fact that I actually feel sorry for Shelinda."

Of course at this declaration, the group stopped short.

"You feel *sorry* for Shelinda?" asked Rikku. "Funny. I thought you said compassion was beyond you." Auron glowered at her through the sunglasses, but she seemed unaffected by his patented "death glare" this morning. Funny how bestiality changes your priorities. It hadn't helped that Clasko had come running out afterward, begging Shelinda's forgiveness. The scene that ensued had been neither pretty nor pleasant.

***

_"Shelinda!__ Wait! I can explain!" yelled Clasko to his bride. _

_"I don't want to hear it!" screamed a teary-eyed Shelinda. "Just...leave me alone!"_

_"But Choco...he had...a...umm...laceration...in-"_

_Clasko__ didn't get to finish his sentence. He was halted by Auron's fist, which made contact with his nose. Hard. Auron looked at the others and shook his head. "I just couldn't let him finish that sentence."_

_Lulu shook her head solemnly. "I think we all have an idea of how that 'laceration' got there."_

_Wakka scratched his head. "Wha? How?"_

_Yuna patted him on the shoulder. "Just don't worry about it Wakka."_

_Auron's eyes met Rikku's and they almost smiled at each other. Too bad Shelinda interrupted them by falling on Auron, wailing._

_"My poor Clasko!__ So confused! He's strayed from the path of Yevon! I see it now! It's up to me...to save him from this wretched fate." This, of course, was spoken with much gusto and dramatic arm waving. "I understand it. I understand everything. Yevon is challenging my faith, but it will not be shaken. My husband and I will work through this; with Yevon as my witness, I will make things right. For I am with child, and–"_

_"You're pregnant?" asked Yuna._

_Lulu leaned over to Rikku. "Yevon preserve us. They're spawning."_

_Shelinda__ clasped her hands over her stomach. "Yes, I am."_

_There was the strangest silence as they tried to figure out what to make of this admission. And the undeniable fact that copulation had to have occurred for Shelinda's delicate state to transpire wasn't helping. Suddenly, there was a rush to leave._

_"Well, Shelinda," said Auron, "it's been a pleasure. Unfortunately, we must go. We have Sin to defeat, after all."_

_Yuna nodded vigorously. "You know me! Always in a big hurry to die for Spira!"_

_"But good luck with that reforming you're doing with Clasko," added Rikku with a big fake grin._

_"She's like a scared animal," Auron muttered to the two girls. "Just walk away slowly so as not to scare her, then once we are out of sight, run. We want to put as much distance as possible between her and ourselves. She might yet attack. You can never tell with people like her."_

_They both nodded fervently, then went to tell the others. Shelinda didn't seem to notice. She was too busy cradling Clasko's head in her lap. His nose looked like it had been hit by an eighteen-wheeler, despite the fact that they didn't exist in Spira. They could hear her muttering, "Oh...my poor little man. Be brave. I will heal you, then set you back on the path of righteousness. Don't you worry."_

_***_

The group began to move off, but then noticed Tidus wasn't with them. Yuna turned to him. "Tidus? Are you ok?"

Tidus seemed unable to talk. His eyes were wide open and he looked horrified. "The chocobo...he...she..."

"It's ok Tidus," said Lulu. "Choco ran off as soon as he got the chance. It's just Clasko and Shelinda now. They're both getting their just desserts."

"Baby. Poor baby."

"Are you talking about what Shelinda was saying or the fact that she's pregnant."

"Both!"

Auron had simply had enough of this coddling of Tidus. He walked over and barked, "That's enough. We must get out of here!"

Tidus whimpered, but began walking.

Rikku glared at Auron. "Admit it! It was pretty scary! Can you blame poor Tidus?"

Auron smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. It was going to be a long day. He was definitely ready for this pilgrimage to end.

***

They successfully made good their escape. The rest of the day had been thankfully uneventful, aside from an incident with a Great Marlboro. Tidus was still swearing he was confused, and that's why he had...well, let's just not go there. No more dirty sex jokes. Use your imagination.

They settled themselves around the campfire, subdued by the horrors of the previous day. Which leads one to wonder...they always seem subdued...what would they be like otherwise? 

One by one, they fell asleep, till only Auron and Rikku were left awake. (Of course. How predictable.) Auron looked at Rikku, whose head was nestled into his shoulder. He leaned over, and their eyes met. And the gap between them closed, until...

(AN:  This was originally a cliffie, but these two chapters have been combined.  They were both on the short side, and it works better this way.)

"Rikku?"

"Ugh…" she moaned, clearly not very awake.

"You're drooling on me."

Rikku sat up and sheepishly wiped her mouth.  "Sorry," she muttered.  She stretched out, narrowly missing Auron's head with her bony elbow. He stood abruptly, striding away from the fire to lean against a tree.  He stood, his sword stuck in the ground next to him, looking as vigilant as he could manage at that moment.

"Sleep.  We leave early tomorrow.  You will need your rest."  Conversation over.  But wait-

"Hmph," said Rikku, in an unconscious imitation of Auron's favorite expression.  "Who do you think you are?  My father?  Telling me to do this and telling me to do that.  Well I refuse."  She stood up and walked over to where he was standing.

"I'm old enough to be your father," he pointed out.

"Barely.  That doesn't change the fact that you aren't.  You can't order me around, you know?  I do what I want."

"You're too obstinate for your own good.  It is going to get you into trouble eventually."

Rikku wrinkled her nose.  "Meanie-pants."

Auron didn't react to that.  But then again, she hadn't expected him to.

Suddenly, he had a devious thought.  He walked slowly over to where she was standing, stopping directly in front of her.  He took out his hand, and slowly patted her on the head.

"Don't worry, honey.  As soon as we get to the Travel Agency, we'll buy you a nice big lollipop.  And if you're really good, next town we get to, I'll buy you a doll.  How does that sound?" 

Rikku's eyes grew wide with shock and anger, and her face contorted, with veins popping out on her forehead and tendons straining in her neck.  The expression made her look like a very large bug.  _Why, thought Auron idly, _those braids of hers could even be antenna_.  He chuckled to himself as Rikku turned away from him, crossing her arms.  Then she spun back around.  And decked him._

"Argh!"  Auron staggered back, one hand to his head.  "That hurt!"

"I would hope so," snipped Rikku, who was grinning merrily (AN: and I'm quite aware that statement is rather oxymoron-esque).  "I just added a strength + 4 to my sphere grid."

Auron glared at her with his one eye.  This was made slightly more effective by the fact that his glasses were absent.  Which he suddenly realized, putting one hand to his face.  "Shit," he said emotionlessly.  Rikku marveled at the fact that he could make the slightest utterance impassioned and angry, despite the complete lack of inflection of any sort in his voice.

Auron cast his eye around, looking for his shades.  He found them, though they were not exactly in the condition he had hoped.  He looked at them, then looked at Rikku.  Who suddenly looked sheepish.  

"Oopsie?"

"Indeed."

The two contemplated the broken eyewear silently.  They lay on the ground, the lenses mashed and the frames mangled.  Rikku had a thought.

"Auron, are you a vampire?"

Auron looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Well?"

He blew out a long sigh.  "No.  Why do you think that?"

"You wear a big collar and a cloak and the sunglasses.  And you're undead."

"Unsent, you mean."

"Pish.  Six of one, baker's dozen of the other."

Auron didn't bother to correct the girl, knowing it would only lead to more trouble.  She'd probably start claiming that Seymour was sane and Clasko's sexual fetishes were normal if given reason to continue.  "I just don't enjoy the funny looks my scar gets."

"Auron?!  Is that...vanity...I detect?"

He sighed yet again.  "Whoever said that chicks dig scars was dead wrong.  Although I admit, they might not have been talking about disfigurement."

"Are all vampires this depressing to be around?"

"I'm not a vampire, Rikku."

"Sure..."  She waved her hand dismissively.  "That's what they all say."

***

The next morning, Auron's glasses were still broken.  So they stopped at the Travel Agency to get a new pair.

"These are so you, Auron!" said Lulu, holding up a pair with leopard print frames.

"Riiight," said Auron.  "Just like pink bunnies and fluffy kittens are you."

Lulu smirked at him.

Auron browsed the glasses, eager to select a pair and make an exit.  Unfortunately, none of them were much better than the leopard print.  There were daisies, and one pair with a rhinestone heart on the lens.  He had long given up finding anything remotely like the ones he had lost, and was now simply searching for something slightly masculine.

"How 'bout these, Auron?" piped Rikku's voice behind him.  She was wearing a ridiculously large pair of sunglasses.  The lenses covered her cheekbones, swooping down to around the level of her nostrils.  There was a dangerous grin on her face, for these glasses were the only ones in the room that were not pink, had no flowers or animal print, and most importantly, no rhinestones.  Rhinestones belong to skeezy women that can't afford diamonds, not to seasoned warrior monks.  He would never have been able to live rhinestones down.  Well, he couldn't have lived anything down, simply because he was dead.

He took the sunglasses from Rikku's now outstretched hand.  And put them on.  Some serious laughter had to be stifled.  Even Kimahri had a smirk on his catlike face. 

"Shut. Up."  Said Auron.  The others did so.  Auron weighed his options carefully.  How badly *did* he want to be embarrassed?  To a casual observer, it would probably seem like the man was a glutton for punishment.  But he was left with little choice.  So he turned to the Al Bhed sitting at the desk and smiling greedily at him.  And gave him money.  Auron thought that *he* should have been the one getting paid.  Paid to wear the awful glasses.

"Ok, Sir Auron.  Now let's get going!" exclaimed Yuna perkily.

"Yeah man," said Tidus sulkily.  "Yuna wants to hurry up and die.  Don't make her wait.  She might blow a gasket and summon the final aeon early or something."  He sniffed, and if Auron wasn't mistaken, brushed something from his eye.  Poor kid.

"But what about my lollipop?" asked Rikku innocently.

Auron ignored her.  "Let's go."

"Alright, Captain Auron!"  Wakka saluted him.  Auron gave him the patented death glare.  For some odd reason, it was less effective than normal.  Surely it had nothing to do with the enormous glasses.  He turned and strode out of the travel agency, cloak billowing impressively behind him.  He decided to ignore the commentary that reached his ears.  At least his scar was no longer visible.

_________________________________________________________

By the way, I am of the opinion that aviators kick ass.

Review, umkay? I don't have support services because I'm lacking in the having my own credit card department, but I was talking to someone who does, and she was telling me how many hits she got a chapter. It was insane. Now, I'm going to assume that I'm getting as many as she is. Which means that there are *lots* of you out there who haven't reviewed so much as once. *shakes head* I hope that none of *you* have been begging for reviews and then not leaving them for others, but I'm afraid that's probably the case. If so, then shame on you! That's just sad, in general. Now I don't read everything, but I review everything that I do read. Wouldn't FF.net be a happier place if we all did that? You don't have to be nice, just let the writer know that their effort is appreciated, you know? And for you non-writers...anonymous reviews are fine! You don't have to leave a name or email or anything, but it's nice to review and make that gesture. I'm not just talking about myself and my stories (although it certainly applies). FF.net is a community and should be viewed as such. People here tend to be quite friendly. If you review everything you read, even just once for a multi-parter, it's appreciated. After all, if you put the time in to read it, can't you take a few seconds to let the author know? I guarantee that they're putting in *a lot* more time than a reviewer ever would. Now come on. Time for a *big group hug.* Don't you feel better? I know I do.


	17. Luck be a Lady

My birthday was last month. The best way to say I love you and your fanfiction is with an amazon.com gift certificate. Did you know that all you need to know about a person to give one is an email address? Well, here's mine, if you feel so inclined... PadfootSirius@hotmail.com *winks*  
  
So I saw the Who on Wednesday, July 31st. And they were absolutely amazing. I work in a doctors office, and we were joking around with prescription painkillers (narcotics, actually). You know, "Take three of these, and even Roger Daltrey'll look good." Well, lemme tell you, I didn't need them. Roger's a complete and total sexy beast when he performs. *dies* I'm going to see them...again...the end of this month, and bringing *more* friends along. The concert itself had some great moments. Hmm...I think it may be time for another bonus story at the end...  
  
Being eighteen? Sooo overrated. Like Amberlee told me, I can die defending my country, but I can't consume any alcohol to help numb the bullet. But hey...I can vote.  
  
The poker scene I've been planning for awhile (like, since I started writing this). The inspiration for it comes from a story by Lilac Summers, with a title I don't remember (Vacation, perhaps?), on a site which I don't remember. But it was funny. I read it at least three years ago, and still remember it. Big props to LS. ________________________________________________________  
  
The antechamber was dusty. Very dusty. As they walked in, Rikku sneezed loudly. And then looked at the back of Auron's jacket in front of her. He was turning to look at her. Think fast! Distract him!  
  
"Let's play cards!"  
  
Auron turned to her and raised his eyebrow. "Cards?" he asked, seemingly oblivious to the green goo dripping down his back.  
  
"Yeah!" said Rikku. "Yuna'll be in the Chamber of the Fayth for a while, you know? So I bought cards while you were getting sunglasses." She smiled perkily at Auron and his aviators.  
  
He gave an abrupt nod. "I'm always up for a good game of poker."  
  
"As am I," said Lulu.  
  
"Kimahri play."  
  
"Poker sounds like fun, ya?"  
  
And Rikku's face crumpled. "But...But..."  
  
"But what, Rikku?"  
  
"I don't know how to play poker!" she wailed.  
  
"Well, we'll teach you!" said Lulu, almost warmly. She immediately regretted the offer and the tone of voice it was uttered in. Fortunately, she had nothing to worry about.  
  
"No! Brother's tried before! I can't play! I refuse! I'm bad! I don't understand the rules!" This explosion came complete with foot stomping and arm waving. Rikku stalked over to a corner and proceeded to sulk.  
  
Auron shrugged. "Suit yourself." Rikku whimpered. So much for her big idea. And the gil she had spent on those cards.  
  
Wakka looked at him and shrugged, then produced a visor, put it on his head, and began dealing. Auron was amazed when he started spouting what sounded like technical poker jargon. And then it became clear he was making it up.  
  
"Aces are high, twos are low, cows came home, I'm taking a bubble bath next week..."  
  
"Wakka," interrupted Lulu, "do you even know how to play poker?"  
  
"Yeah! Of course, ya?" insisted Wakka. "Who *doesn't* know how to play poker?" In the corner, Rikku sniffed loudly.  
  
The trio began to play, with Kimahri standing watch and Rikku still sniveling. Tidus had gone with Yuna into the Chamber of the Fayth, and both were bargaining with Yojimbo. It was all going well, when Auron looked up and said, "Hit me," to Wakka.  
  
Wakka gave Auron a funny look. "Hit you? You sure?"  
  
Auron nodded once. And Wakka leaned over and punched him. Auron looked at him, then punched him back. Hard.  
  
"Owwww!" said Wakka. "What was that for? You were the one that asked for it!"  
  
"I think poker's out," said Lulu sagely. Auron nodded.  
  
Suddenly Rikku was back. "I know!" she piped in eagerly, "let's play Go Fish!!!"  
  
Auron was nearly overcome by the sudden urge to throttle something. Lulu was relieved, because now she didn't have to explain where she had gotten the large amount of betting money for the game. In truth, she was 'borrowing' it from the betting pool. That Lulu was a sneaky one, all right.  
  
Wakka was quick to agree. "Yeah!" he exclaimed, "Go Fish!"  
  
Auron sighed. "Fine. We play."  
  
Rikku did a little dance, then snatched Wakka's visor and began dealing. It was too large for her, and she was constantly pushing it back up. Even Auron had to admit she looked cute. When they all picked up their cards, Rikku narrowed her eyes at hers, immediately putting one pair down. Auron looked exasperated. Lulu looked amused. Wakka had his best poker face on. He wasn't going to admit that he didn't know how to play Go Fish either. Never mind the fact that his poker face was just about as good as his poker game.  
  
Once the cards had been dealt and the "fish" pile had been established, the game commenced.  
  
"Do you have any twos?" Lulu asked Rikku grudgingly.  
  
"Go fish!" Rikku chirped.  
  
Wakka was next. "Do you have any...uh...fives?" he asked Lulu.  
  
"Go fish," was the embittered reply.  
  
Rikku turned to Wakka. "Do you have any fives?" she asked, smiling widely.  
  
"No," said Wakka.  
  
"What? You're lying, aren't you," was the rapid accusation.  
  
"You have to have one of a card to ask for another, Wakka," said Lulu patiently.  
  
"Oh. Sorry."  
  
"And when you don't have it, you say 'Go Fish!'" continued Lulu.  
  
"Oh. Goldfish, ya."  
  
Rikku wrinkled her nose. "*Go* fish, not goldfish, dummy."  
  
"Hey!" protested Wakka. "You watch who you call dummy!"  
  
"I'll call whoever I want dummy, you dummy!" retorted Rikku.  
  
"Yeah, well-" began Wakka, but he was cut short.  
  
"That's enough!" Auron said sternly. Wakka huffed angrily.  
  
"So Auron," began a Rikku with a wicked smile, "do you have any tens?"  
  
Auron's mouth tightened under his collar. "Go fish," he grumbled.  
  
"What was that?" asked Rikku, grinning ever wider. "I couldn't hear you."  
  
"I said, go fish," there was an unseen vein twitching in Auron's neck.  
  
"Come again?"  
  
The look that Rikku received was the darkest one yet. Yet as in ever. Too bad Auron was still wearing his aviators. "GO FISH." This was said in a very slow, loud, and clearly enunciated rumbling bass.  
  
Rikku put a hand to her mouth and giggled. Wakka snickered. Even Lulu had to smile. ________________________________________________________  
  
Back to the mental images...but again, try to picture Auron saying the words "Go fish". Dissolving into fits of hysterics? Don't worry. You're not the only one.  
  
*sigh* Closing in on the end, as much as I try to draw it out. I've kind of been stalling the plot line (bad Mignonne!), just because I've been enjoying writing this so much. Anyway, good? Bad? Tell me please! (or send me that gift certificate!)  
  
  
  
If you don't want to hear about the concert (if you enjoyed the airport story, this one is just as momentous), just skip down to the review button. Otherwise:  
  
July 31, 2002. New York City.  
  
5:45pm - Driving down 31st Street on the way to the Garden. At a stoplight, a Jeep full of guys covered in piercing pulls up next to us. Dude: "Hey! You two want to come to the (insert name of random local band that no one's ever heard of here) concert?" Mignonne: Not really. Dude: Come on! It's only $7. Mignonne: We're going to the Garden to see the Who. Sorry. *bats eyes and shrugs* Car full of Dudes: *looks disappointed* Mignonne's friend Jen: They were trying to pick us up, weren't they? Mignonne: *cranks up stereo and starts belting Magic Bus along with it*  
  
6:30pm - The Garden's on Seventh, between 31st and 33rd. Somehow, we've been routed back and forth by police, signs and one way streets. We've been circling, trying to get close to the Garden for half an hour. We're worried we'll miss Robert Plant. I'm yelling profanities.  
  
6:45pm - We pull into the parking garage. We're barely out of my car when a t-shirt seller comes running over. Scalper: $10 for this shirt! Just like the ones they sell inside for $35! Mignonne: So why are yours cheaper? How do you obtain these shirts? Are they of inferior quality? Scalper: No, no. They're exactly the same! Look here! I've got tie-dye and black. Jen: I always liked tie-dye. But I like the black too. What size? Scalper: Just got large, but they only have large inside too. Mignonne: *absently* I like the black too, but why are they a different price? Are you lying about the sizes inside? Scalper: *throws two shirts in the open door of the car* There you go, $20. Jen: Alix! (Yes, that's Mignonne's *real* name. Kelsey Martin called it "spoony" last week. I asked her what spoony meant. She didn't know. Do you?) Can I borrow $10? I know those shirts weren't legit. They'll probably disintegrate in the wash. That's why I'm going to put mine up on the wall and not wear it. That and I'd be swimming in a large. Ghetto concert t-shirts? $10 But being argumentative merely for the sake of being argumentative? Priceless...  
  
7:30pm - We've gone in, and Robert Plant is just taking the stage. He's...disappointing. Shoulda' played more Zeppelin. I got just one song I recognized (and I'm a Zeppelin fan)...Going to California. Good song, but...more, please? Of course, we start talking to the guy on my right. He's 40 something and a member of the NYPD. My friend misses this tidbit, and asks him to buy her a beer. He does. She drinks it. Then throws up. All over the floor by the empty seats next to her (the show was sold out, but lots of people missed Robert Plant). It was impressive. She bent over so calmly that I thought she had simply dropped something. Except she stayed down so long I thought she had passed out. She then proceeds to sit up and go "I'm fine!" The...rather attractive...FDNY guy sitting behind her calls her the one-beer-queer, then winks at me. Jen laughs loudly, then starts working on her second beer, saying, "Ah...this isn't drunk. You'll know when I'm drunk when I start hitting on *her* (gestures toward me)." Meanwhile, she's falling out of her chair.  
  
8:45pm - The Who take the stage, and I'm reduced to a salivating Pete Townshend and (surprise surprise) Roger Daltrey fangirl. They open with 'I Can't Explain.' Ah...spiffy.  
  
9:30pm - Pete Townshend introducing 'The Kids are Alright'. "I wrote this song when I was eighteen or nineteen. I didn't need Viagra then, and I don't need it now. I DON'T NEED VIAGRA!!! I DON'T NEED VIAGRA!!!" *Audience goes nuts*  
  
10:00pm - A cup of tea appears in Roger's hands. It, as we can see on the video monitor, is steaming. Says Roger, "My fucking tea is too bloody hot. Can everyone please blow on my tea?" Roger holds tea out.  
  
10:30pm - A close call. Apparently, some fuckwad on the floor has decided it's a good idea to throw...soda cans...at the band. Um...yeah. So, Roger and Pete disappear off stage. Pete returns. "No more of that. Here's a list of what you *can* throw onstage." Starts ticking items off on fingers. "Watches, cameras, wallets, cash, credit cards, your girlfriends, their bras, you get the picture." A bill is lobbed onstage at Pete's feet. He picks it up, and the Pete Townshend sneer (it's probably copyrighted...) appears. "Let's see how much this man thinks I'm worth." Uncrinkles bill. "A five." Another bill appears at his feet. Picks it up. Uncrinkles it. Holds it proudly over his head. "A TWENTY!!!" Places them on piano. "This money will go toward paying Roger's hospital bill." Roger looks decidedly unamused.  
  
The rest of the concert was without momentous events. They played *very* well. Roger, live, is incredible. His voice is *huge*. You know what song is awesome live? 'Love Reign O'er Me.' WOW. I love the show they put on as well. Pete and the windmilling arm and the jumps...yeah... Roger and the microphone twirling... If you ever get a chance to see them, take it.  
  
Envy my weekend! Thursday, I'm seeing Jethro Tull with my father. He buys me alcohol. Yeah. Friday, I'm spending the day at the Jersey Shore (the first time I've ever been, oddly enough) and then seeing the Who for a second time that night. Sunday, I'm going to Studio 54 and seeing Cabaret. Studio fucking 54! I'm so excited! But what's even more amazing...the emcee is John Stamos. John Stamos as in Uncle Jesse from Full House. This may cause problems for my sanity. Molly Ringwald's in it too. Weird... 


	18. Take Me Out

Right. So yeah, it's been almost three years since I've updated. And how long has the bulk of this been sitting on my hard drive? You don't even want to know. Oh, ok, for at least two years. Oops. But I've finished it now! Blame my easy course load or something (Hey! Eastern European Cinema isn't a bullshit course! Don't listen to my dad! So what if I don't have any papers?). Or possibly the sudden lack of a boy in my life. Boys are stupid, fyi. Even when they're cute and British. They're still stupid, in fact, perhaps doubly so, because their stupid accent gets them attention from every girl in earshot. kicks stupid boy Amazing how much time he managed to take up, even though he's been 6000 miles away for most of the last 9 months (excepting me going to ol' Blighty over Christmas and him coming over here the beginning of the month, which concluded in him being thrown out of my house. He friggin deserved it.). But then again, when one's nearly six year younger brother is more mature than one is, one should question, well, pretty much everything. Too bad he never bothered to. Too bad he took me for granted for two years as well. And really, too bad the best thing he could find to hook up with in revenge was fat and looked like a 40-year-old man. Oops. (And to and the friend who sent me the link, cheers to you for letting me find that out). Anyway, I'm studying in England for six months starting in October (running amok in Brighton...oh dear...), so I can find... the upgrade. British Boy 2.0. w00t. They all have accents over there, so I get my pick of the whole litter.

FYI, 21 in three months. I'm not counting down or anything, no.

"_Dear Auron,_

_You are very special to me. I really like spending time with _

_you. You are so nice and so manly. I think that you are the first man _

_I've met that really understands how I feel. I'm so glad _

_we're taking things slowly. I really feel like a woman when _

_I'm around you. You are very handsome. I think I'm falling _

_in love with you. I just hope you feel the same way about me. _

_I know my father has spoken to you about our relationship, _

_and I want to assure you that I feel as strongly as he does_

_on the subject. I want you to know that the answer to any _

_question you might ask is definitely yes! So ask away! _

_I can just see us, a few years down the road; you, a Maester_

_of Yevon, and I , your devoted wife. Oh Auron, I would make_

_you so happy. You're so handsome I could just eat you for _

_dinner! Maybe sometime, I will... I think you'd like that_

_very much. I think I would too._

_Love, _

_Liania"_

_Auron stared, dumbfounded at the letter before him. Not only were the contents horrifyingly disgusting, but this meant he was in major trouble and he knew it. After the High Priest had explained that he wanted the marriage to take place, he had handed Auron this letter and walked out. After reading the contents, Auron felt dangerously close to gouging his violated eyes out. This was simply...wrong. He handed the letter to Kinoc, who was sitting across the table from him. The look on Auron's face was not a hard one to read._

"_That bad, huh?" asked Kinoc. He took the letter and began to read its contents. His eyes widened with every line. And then he got to the end. "OH! Eww! Ahhh!" He thrust it back at Auron. "Baaah! I've been blinded by it! The horror!"_

_Auron snorted morosely. "You think you've got it bad? My career is over. If I refuse Liania, I'll be exiled. If I accept her hand...oh Yevon. I don't even want to think about that."_

"_You've got a major problem," agreed Kinoc, nodding. "What to do about it, I don't know. I guess you could explain to the High Priest that you...uh..." he trailed off, unable to think of anything._

"_That'll work so well, too," said Auron sarcastically. "There's got to be a way out of this."_

_Kinoc shrugged. "Anything I can think of would mean the end of your career. Anything you could do to indicate that you would be unsuitable for Liania would also indicate you were inappropriate to be anything respectable in the eyes of Yevon...or at least in the eyes of the High Priest, which is all that matters."_

"_Oh Yevon," said Auron, burying his face in his hands. "I hate politics." Kinoc reached across the table and patted him on the shoulder._

"_Well, you could always become a hermit."_

"_What a comforting thought. Thank you Kinoc, you've just made me feel so much better." The sarcasm practically dripped from Auron's voice. "Come on," he told himself. "Think."_

_The pair remained silent and lost in thought for many a long minute. The Church of Yevon was important to Auron, and he did not want to lose standing in its eyes. He had worked hard to get where he was, but he thought marrying for status was wrong. Plus, he didn't want to get stuck with Liania for the rest of his life. Well, probably her life, as she was well on the way to some major health problems, but still._

_Suddenly, Kinoc had an idea. "I know! Tell her that your dream has always been to play blitzball! And...the lifestyle of a blitzball player is, uh, not suited to marriage."_

"_Do you realize how ridiculous that excuse is? I've never played blitzball before in my life. I'm sure I'd be terrible at it. And I'd look like a fool. Not to mention that plenty of blitzers are married."_

"_Oh," said Kinoc, who looked rather crestfallen. The two sat in silence some more._

"_How about moving to another temple? Perhaps Liania would not want to leave her father and Bevelle."_

"_Not likely," replied Auron. "The High Priest is bound to object to that. I would not be allowed to enter a temple ever again if I pulled that."_

"_True," admitted Kinoc. More silence. Then, "Wait! I know!"_

"_What?" said Auron, clearly becoming irritated with his friend's half-cocked ideas._

_Kinoc leaned forward. "Become a guardian! Your background is perfect for it. You've had lots of training, and you're a powerful warrior."_

_Auron nodded. "Good idea. Maybe it'll work. But there's a small problem."_

"_What's that?"_

"_I'd need a summoner."_

_It came to them both at the same time. "Braska!" they exclaimed. The man was in Bevelle looking for a guardian. His wife had been killed by Sin, but because she had been Al Bhed, no one would agree to go with the man. He was perfect._

"It's amazing how things work out," Auron thought to himself as he trailed the rest of his party. He had become a guardian to escape Liania, not imagining what a profound impact it would have on him. He did not expect to respect and love Braska the way he had, it just happened.

The group was finally preparing to leave the Calm Lands. They had stayed for quite some time, building strength for the perilous battles that were surely ahead of them. They said their goodbyes at the Travel Agency and began to head North toward Mt. Gagazet. Maechen was standing there, and walked over to the group.

"I would just like to wish you luck on your Pilgrimage, Lady Yuna. Many have gotten to the Calm Lands and given up, but you prevailed. Why, I remember a tale of another Lady Summoner, much like yourself..." Maechen seemed lost in thought for a moment, then continued. "Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blahdie blah blah blah."

Or at least, that was what Rikku heard. While the others were dutifully listening to the historian drone on and on about some summoner named Sharonda or something. She was bored out of her mind, which was beginning to wander. She thought back to the last battle, and a thought she had touched upon in the heat of it. Auron had no hair in his armpits. They were completely bald. Completely. There was something wrong with that, no matter how you looked at it. She wondered idly what his chest might look like, aside from his man boobs. Perhaps he didn't have nipples...now that was an interesting thought. What about his nether regions? And up his nose? Did Auron have a Happy Trail?

And how did the lack of hair come to be? Did he shave, sneaking away from the camp at night while he was supposed to be on guard? Did he Nair? Wax? Or were they somehow naturally that way? Rikku had heard about someone who had gotten a severe electrical shock and lost all of his hair. But after the occurrence, the unfortunate soul had no hair anywhere on his head or face. Auron had a mullet and a perpetual five o'clock shadow, so that couldn't really be it. Rikku continued contemplation.

The others were in similar states of consciousness. Yuna was thinking about Tidus. Tidus was thinking about Yuna and a cold shower. Auron was thinking about his sake jug. Kimahri was thinking about...well...no. Not going there. You can't make me!

Meanwhile, Maechen was still talking. "This rather reminds me of a history I read once. It was about little people, or "Hobbits" as they were so called. Yes. Hobbits. Nasty Hobbitses... Stole it from me, they did! My precioussssss!" Even Rikku was startled into attention at this. Maechen was hissing and twitching.

"Uh...are you ok?" asked Yuna hesitantly.

Maechen seemed to snap out of it. "And that as they say is that!" he finished hastily, stumbling over the words in his rush. Suddenly, he was very calm again. "If you will excuse me, Lady Yuna, I think I've delayed you long enough." And he bowed and wandered away.

"Isn't it creepy how he seems to be everywhere we go?" asked Rikku. The others shrugged, except Yuna, who was fingering her ring nervously.

Gagazet loomed over them impressively. Rikku shivered, anticipating the extreme cold they were bound to face. Auron snorted derisively, looking at her hot pants and tank top.

"Cold already? Pitiful. Just wait until we get to the summit."

Rikku turned to him and stuck her tongue out. "Don't be such a meanie!" she said. Auron did not bother responding.

Meanwhile, Tidus and Wakka were lurking in the back, plotting.

"We need to get some romance going!" said Tidus. "Kindle the flame and all that." Wakka agreed wholeheartedly.

"We should, ya," he said. "But I dunno what to do. We've tried everything".

"No we haven't! If we had, they'd be together by now," Tidus reasoned. Unfortunately, his train of logic had long ago jumped the tracks and was presently sitting at the bottom of a very dark, very murky lake.

After a long, pregnant silence during which you could hear the gears in both heads turning (and grinding and smoking and catching fire), Wakka finally burst out with, "Love letters!"

When's the next update going to be? Who the heck knows? I actually have some of the next chapter written, to make the task less daunting and all. But keep in mind, the more interest I get (meaning, the more reviews), the more likely I'm going to be to bother. C'mon kids. I'm not writing if I don't know you're reading. And seriously...don't you want to see what Wakka and Tidus come up with for love letters? Let me tell you, they put Liania's to shame.


End file.
